I talk a lot of shit about my parents getting old. Mostly to my sister and my husband, sometimes to my girlfriends, and occasionally here on the blog. [Sorry, Mom and Dad, but a writer writes what she knows!] Luckily, they both have a good sense of humor and know it’s done mostly in jest. But truth be told, dealing with aging parents can be frustrating AF. Especially during midlife when we’re already moody, hormonal, and stressed.
At 79 and 78, respectively, my parents aren’t as spry as they used to be. They move slower than they used to and complain of more aches and pains. They tire more easily, get flustered more readily, and lose things more frequently. They have blood pressure issues, hearing problems, and memory lapses. But despite a few major medical scares here and there in recent years, they’re still alive and kicking. They’re lucky, and so am I for still having them in the shape they’re in. Not everyone can say the same.
A few days ago, my best friend’s mother passed away after an aggressive, 8-month battle with cancer. Last year, the father of another one of my closest friends died. And before that, it was my oldest friend’s father who departed, and then my own father-in-law.
Truth be told, I’m very uncomfortable around death. My anxiety kicks in and I don’t know what to say to surviving family members. Writing a heartfelt note comes more naturally to me and that’s where I thrive, but face to face communication … it’s not my strength. Sadly, the universe keeps giving me opportunities to improve my interpersonal skills in the face of parental death.
At 49, asking about the health and well-being of my friends’ parents has become a normal part of our conversations. We’re all dealing with some level of senility and frailty. Just the other day, a girlfriend told me how she had to take her father’s keys and driver’s license away because it was no longer safe for him to drive with his dementia. I know when that day comes for me and my parents, all hell will break loose. They will not give up their keys or their freedom without a fight, for sure. I’m definitely giving that job to my sister. #sorrynotsorry
Watching our parents age isn’t easy. Watching them die is even harder. I know I’m lucky to still have both my parents in relatively good health. I may complain about their stubbornness and bitch about their forgetfulness, but it’s a blessing to do so and I recognize that every day. I’m sure they do, too.
In loving memory of Laura Kerr, (Dr.) Tom Shields, Richie McLaughlin, and S. Byron Tarr.
-LJDT
