If you thought putting babies and toddlers to bed was hard, just wait until menopause. Going to sleep in midlife takes planning and props.
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KSQ’s Most Famous Introvert?
I am a socially anxious introvert with a perpetual RBF. I do not leave my house often, and when I do, I do not look approachable. Yet, for some reason, people keep approaching me, saying they “recognize” me from somewhere.
Aging
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Cursing Makes Me Stronger
As a #gymgirlie with a foul mouth, I feel validated by the latest research that proves cursing makes you stronger!
Aging
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Older and Louder
Lately, a lot of things have been making me feel old. But despite my eyes not being as sharp as they used to be, my tongue certainly is.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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Things That Make You Go Hmmm
I’m a pretty smart person, but some things truly confound me. Find out what in this week’s blog.
Elders, In-Laws & Extended Family
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Sister, Sister
My sister and I were born two years and two weeks apart. We’re both February babies, but different astrological signs. Maybe that’s why we’re so different, yet so much alike.
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House Of Horrors: Breaking The Mold
I feel like I live in a house of horrors. For the third time in four years, we have a mold problem.
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Condoms and Consent
I’ve been giving my boys the “condoms and consent” speech in one form or another for years—and I think every #boymom and #boydad should, too.
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The Great Fall Purge
Now that I’m officially back in my empty nest era, it’s time to purge.
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Ready or Not, Here He Comes
O is ready to start his junior year at JMU—mentally, but not physically.
Anyone else’s kid not packed yet?
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
Aging
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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My Son’s Keepers
Nolan Wells’s death is a horrible tragedy … And it could have been my son.
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The Long Road To Ghana
O is doing a summer session in Ghana, but the road there wasn’t easy.
Aging
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Gym Class Heroes
Last week, my high school BFF and I were reminiscing about high school gym class, Debbie Deb, and Lummi sticks. If you grew up in the 80s, does this ring a bell?
Elders, In-Laws & Extended Family
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Daddy’s Girl
Of all the traits I inherited from my dad, there are a few I hope I pass on to my own kids.
Autoimmune Disease
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Autoimmune Warrior
I am an autoimmune warrior. But One of the hardest things about having an autoimmune disease — or multiple autoimmune diseases, as in my case — is knowing when to rest and when to push through.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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How I Broke My Vagina
Last week, I broke my vagina. Well, not exactly. But it feels that way.
Elders, In-Laws & Extended Family
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It’s The Little Things
The past few months have been hard, so I’m trying to pay attention to the little things that bring me joy each day.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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The Great College Move-Out
Yesterday was my eighth college move-out. I knew what I was walking into …
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F*rt Needs a Rebrand
I am not a prude, but I cannot stand the word f*rt. It makes my skin crawl, so I think it’s time for a rebrand.
Aging
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Still Sweating the Small Stuff
I’m what the kids today call an emotional gangster. I’m highly sensitive, which can be good. But it also means that no matter how much meditation, deep breathing, and grass touching I do, I still overreact, irritate easily, and sweat the small stuff — even though I know I shouldn’t.
Elders, In-Laws & Extended Family
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The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far
I’m a just-in-case kind of girlie. I didn’t know it runs in my family.
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Irritated at First Sight
I have a confession: I don’t like a lot of people. I am often irritated at first sight.
Aging
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A Different Kind of Girls’ Weekend
Last weekend wasn’t the girls’ trip I had planned — but it was the one that was needed.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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Facebook Follies
I use FB mainly to promote this blog, and typically scroll past 90% of what’s in my feed. But what I do read often has me asking, “What happened to common sense?”
Exercise & Movement
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The Reluctant Runner
I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with running. I grew up around runners, so on some level, I felt I should be a runner, too.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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Feminine Fury
I’ve recently moved from being a subtle, quiet feminist to an angry one — with good cause. Find out what patriarchal crap has me riled up this week.
Elders, In-Laws & Extended Family
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Sugar (Grand)Mama
In my family, we joke that there won’t be any money left for an inheritance because my mom is too busy spending it all now on cookies and sports betting.
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Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
I asked for a long bob with curtain bangs … That’s not what I got.
Aging
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Another Threesome on Valentine’s Day
Another Valentine’s Day, another threesome. Oh, the things we do for love.
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Sis and Eddie
Sis and Eddie … Innocent nickname or subtle insult? Read this week’s blog to find out.
Autoimmune Disease
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Fear Factor
I’m deathly afraid of snakes, heights, being held under water, and now my teeth falling out.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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I Hate Winter
A huge storm is supposedly coming this weekend … Just another reason why I hate winter.
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The Great Squeeze
I have a question … Why is it that we can make cars that drive themselves, but we still have to have our breasts squished and squeezed to check for cancer?
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Embracing The New Year
2026 didn’t start smoothly, but I’m embracing the new year anyway, and things are already turning around.
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F*ck Around and Find Out
I consider myself a kind and respectful person, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let someone walk all over me — or in this case, yell at me.
Healthy Living: Eat, Play, Love, Heal
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All I Want For Christmas
I had planned on writing a sassy post about all the things I want for Christmas. Then I changed my mind.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas
I am officially back on my Christmas -is … with an artificial tree for the first time ever!
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The Oliver Bowl
Everyone is bitching about the JMU v. Oregon College Football Playoffs matchup, or as we call it, The Oliver Bowl. But for my youngest, Christmas is coming early.
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Losing My Dignity, One Lady Part at a Time
There’s nothing worse and more vulnerable than lying naked on a table with your feet in stir-ups … But at least you get to keep your socks on.
Aging
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Unhappy Thanksgiving: Week in Review
Despite all my planning, Thanksgiving week didn’t go as expected. Not even close.
Aging
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Meno Queen
Aside from having to add blonde streaks to my hair to hide the grays, 53 isn’t horrible — especially since I haven’t had a period since Thanksgiving 2012, when I was 40.
That’s right … I am a meno queen.
Elders, In-Laws & Extended Family
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My Podcast Debut
Guest-appearing on a national podcast wasn’t on my bingo card, but here we are … and I had the most unlikely co-guest.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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Now I’m The *sshole
This post is for the *sshole at the gym … I’m working on my emotional regulation, but it’s not for everyone.
Aging
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PRPSA For the Ladies
This rant/public restroom public service announcement is for the ladies (and anyone who identifies as a woman and uses the ladies’ room) …
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The Patriarchy of Pockets
I am pocket-dependent. I don’t always use my pockets, but I take comfort in knowing everything I wear has them.
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Parents’ Weekend: Tailgating As A Sober Mom
Back in my day, I was a pro tailgater. Now, I’m a sober mom with social anxiety, struggling to make it through Parents’ Weekend for my kid.
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Midlife Friendships
My best girlfriends are my lifelong friends. They’re also pretty much my only girlfriends and they all live far away.
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Opposites Attract
They say opposites attract. And while I don’t think that’s always the case, it is for my husband and me — but it works.
Elders, In-Laws & Extended Family
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Mallomar-Obsessed
Mallomars have officially hit grocery stores on Long Island, and Grace Dewey is at it again, clearing shelves and stocking her pantry.
Aging
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Midlife Road Rules
Yes, I wear a cheesy reflective vest when I go out for a walk or run. No, I don’t care that I look like I’m trying out to be a member of a middle-aged, all-female version of The Village People.
Aging
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The Slow Purge
In many ways, I am very much my parents’ daughter. But one trait I don’t get from them is their need to hold on to stuff.
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Party of Two
After nearly a week of packing, unpacking, and driving up and down the East coast, I am once again an empty nester … And I’m not mad at it.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
Exercise & Movement
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Sweaty Betty
I’m a gym girlie, through and through. I don’t glisten or sparkle; I sweat. A LOT.
Elders, In-Laws & Extended Family
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Like (Grand)Mother, Like (Grand)Daughter
Yesterday was my grandmother’s birthday. She passed away in 2001, but if she was still alive, she would have been 113. Or maybe 112 …
Autoimmune Disease
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Moody with a Chance of Meltdown
Does anyone else get in a mood for no reason, or is this just a me thing?
Aging
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Pale Girl Summer
It’s only June 24, and I’m already over summer. It’s just too hot, so I’m staying inside and declaring this my Pale Girl Summer.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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Parenting Purgatory
It’s been 1 week since my oldest graduated college and moved back home for the next 2 months until he moves to Boston to start his “big boy” job. Some call this time the boomerang period; I call it parenting purgatory.
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Graduation Roller Coaster
Last week, my first born graduated from college and I was in my feels … all of them.
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Grown-up Garanimals
Hot take: Capsule wardrobes are just grown-up Garanimals … And I’m here for it.
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Summer Break: College Edition
How can you tell college kids are home for the summer?
There’s a mountain of blue IKEA bags piled up in the garage, your grocery bill has doubled, their bedroom doors are always closed, and all the cups, bowls, and utensils are missing again.
Aging
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Channeling My Inner Johnny Lynch
Johnny Lynch was my grandfather’s cousin. He was blind, but I didn’t know it until I was about 7 or 8 because he was super clever.
As I get older, I’m now channeling my inner Johnny Lynch to combat my aging eyes.
Aging
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Mirror, Mirror On The Wall
This is a very vulnerable post for me, so please be kind … I struggle with body image.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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A Mother’s Love: College Lacrosse Edition
A middle-aged mother’s love during college lacrosse season looks like countless road trips and a very sore body.
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Socially Unsocial
For someone who doesn’t like crowds or parties, I seem to be knee-deep in them lately. My friend, Karen, recently told me I’m the most social unsocial person she knows … And I think she’s right.
Uncategorized
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Springtime in Vermont
I just came back from a month-long pseudo vacation/staycation/work-away-from-home in Vermont. It was not what I was expecting.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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Hell is the DMV
After a month of driving around with an expired license, I finally went to the DMV to get it renewed. The experience was, in a word, hell.
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An Irish Goodbye
As a socially awkward and anxious person, getting me to a social
gathering is a feat. Leaving a large event, however, is an art form I’ve mastered. My go-to strategy is the Irish Exit.
Uncategorized
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Let Them Know
This may be a controversial take, but I’m not a huge Mel Robbins fan. I’m less of a “Let Them” girl and more a “Let Them Know” girl.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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The Last Hurrah
H’s final season of playing college lacrosse has officially started and that means his time playing competitive lacrosse is quickly coming to an end.
Aging
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Midlife Birthday Wishes
Last week, I celebrated my 53rd birthday in typical low-key fashion.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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Finding “The One”
Shopping for a new therapist is almost as bad as that time I had to find a nanny.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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Girlfriend Therapy
Last weekend, I got to spend time with my bestie in Florida, and it was everything. #girlfriendtherapy
Elders, In-Laws & Extended Family
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Ask and You Shall Receive
My grandma was full of wit and wisdom. One pearl she instilled in me was if you don’t ask, you don’t get. So I’m asking.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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We Listen and We DO Judge
I have a confession to make: I’m kinda judgy. Especially when someone else’s behavior negatively affects me.
Aging
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Empty Nesting, Part 2: The Purge
Now that both boys are back at school (finally!), I am back to being an empty nester. This time, it’s all about the purge.
Aging
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Geriatric Gym Goals
When I’m working out, I keep to myself. I generally don’t even notice other people … except these people.
Exercise & Movement
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New Year, New Routine
New Year, new fitness routine … Two weeks ago, we joined the local YMCA—so it’s safe to say I’m a Y girlie now.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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2025: The Year of The Snake and Me
2025 is the year of the snake. Despite being petrified of snakes, I’m here for it.
Aging
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Merry Mohs-mas
Last week, I had Mohs surgery to remove skin cancer on my left ankle. Not exactly the Christmas gift I was hoping for.
Elders, In-Laws & Extended Family
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Move-In Day
Saturday was supposed to be my parents’ move-in day. It didn’t exactly go as I had expected.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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Sweatpants and Holiday Anxiety
Am I the only one who’s not ready for another holiday? Or the kids coming home from college? Wasn’t Thanksgiving, like, yesterday? And weren’t the kids just here a minute ago?
It’s all happening too quickly—and all at once. Needless to say, I’m not handling it well.
Aging
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The Last Supper
Last Friday, we gathered at my childhood home for the last time as a family.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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The REAL Thanksgiving Prep
It’s 9 days before Thanksgiving and many of us are busy planning the menu, shopping for supplies, and defrosting the turkey for the big day. But those of us who are college parents know this isn’t the real Thanksgiving prep.
Aging
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My Age is Showing
I may joke about being old A LOT, but 52 isn’t really that old. However, my age has been showing lately.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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Making an Entrance
As a socially anxious person, having to introduce myself at the start of a meeting is stressful enough. Add to it a late arrival coupled with an embarrassing entrance and it’s the stuff of my nightmares.
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Sign of the Times
As outspoken as I may be on certain topics and as obvious as it may seem which I lean politically, I’m not one to outwardly announce my political affiliation (I’m a registered independent, by the way) or presidential candidate of choice by way of a lawn sign.
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Great Expectations: College Fall Break Edition
Last week was JMU’s Fall Break, which means O was home. It went exactly how I expected, and I’m good with that.
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Karma or Coincidence?
I’m not a religious person, but I am a spiritual one—although I’m not entirely sure where I stand on the concept of karma.
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Empty Nesting
Is taking a vacation to celebrate making it to empty nesthood a thing? Or is it just my husband and me?
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Unsolicited Advice for College Moms
Here’s a little unsolicited advice for all you newbie college moms and dads—and you helicopter moms, especially. I know no one asked, but I’m a sharer.
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One More Goodbye
Moving my oldest into his senior housing for his final year of college was more bittersweet than I expected.
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Merkin the Magnificent
Not ready to embrace your gray roots, ladies? Maybe a magnificent merkin is in your future.
Uncategorized
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Pain in My Ass
You’re probably thinking this post is about someone I consider to be a pain in my ass, but it’s not. It’s about a literal pain in my ass — two, to be precise.
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One Down, One to Go
We just moved my youngest into his freshman dorm in less than an hour — our fastest dorm move-in yet!
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Real Life Olympics
Now that the Olympics are over, I started thinking about what I would medal in if my life were like the Olympics.
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Dorm Ready … Or Not
We’re ten days out from moving my youngest into his freshman dorm, and we are far from ready.
I don’t mean emotionally, I mean physically.
Mothering
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Oriented and Ready
Two weeks ago, I took my youngest down to James Madison University for freshman orientation. O isn’t my first kid going to college, but this was my first experience with freshman orientation … and I, of course, have thoughts.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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Powerless and Triggered
Last week, we lost power for almost three full days after a wicked storm — and I did not handle it well.
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Vacation Truths, Thoughts, and Observations
Want a sneak peek into my brain during vacation? Read my unfiltered, and somewhat scattered thoughts from a week in Punta Cana.
Aging
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My Dominican Adventure
I am not an adventurous person, but last week in the Dominican Republic, I surprised myself.
Aging
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Girl Gone Wild
Watching my 81-year-old mother do vodka luge shots is giving “Girls Gone Wild” vibes … and I’m here for it.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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SWeek: A Senior Tradition
The graduation party train has finally come to end, culminating in SWeek, the local senior week tradition.
What happens at SWeek, stays at SWeek.
Aging
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Time Blindness
If we have plans and I’m running late, don’t take it personally. It’s my time blindness.
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Stan the Man
Like most wives, I complain about my husband’s faults. Probably a bit too much. But truth be told, I have a pretty good one.
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The Final Countdown
Tomorrow is the day. In just about 24 hours, O graduates from high school. I’m ready — and so is he.
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Full House, Full Heart
H is home and that means my house and my heart are full. It also means there’s more noise, laundry, mess, and clutter.
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Senior Prom: Then and Now
Saturday marked another ‘last’ in O’s high school career. This time, it was his high school prom.
Proms definitely aren’t the same as they were when I was in high school. They’re far more sophisticated and far less flammable.
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A Post-Mother’s Day Reflection
I used to get upset when Mother’s Day wasn’t all about pampering me. My opinion has changed.
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Senior Night: Spring Sports Edition
Our last high school sports Senior Night just happened and it truly is bittersweet.
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College Decision Day
After nearly four months of deliberation, my high school senior has decided where he’ll go to college next fall.
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Promposal Season
Promposals — love ’em or hate ’em? I’m low-key a hater, but I do enjoy a clever, punny sign — especially if it involves food.
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Long Story Short
I have never been good at telling a tight, succinct story. I often lose my train of thought, go off on a tangent, and provide way too much unnecessary detail or backstory.
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Proud Mama
Parenting is hard. Raising good, strong, kind boys is really hard — and also really important.
Aging
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Road Trip Roomies
Road-tripping with my parents wasn’t as bad as I expected, but it wasn’t without incident, either.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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Do Your Best — For Emily
Emily was my original sideline sister. She passed away 4-1/2 years ago, but her DO YOUR BEST motto lives on — especially on the lacrosse field.
Aging
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Me with My Big Age
I write what I know, and what I know is I’m getting older, and funny memes make it easier.
Aging
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DST Hangover
I don’t know about you, but I’m still feeling the effects of Daylight Saving Time and a weekend road trip.
Exercise & Movement
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Look Who’s Coming Out of Retirement
After a two-year hiatus, my youngest has decided to come out of retirement and play lacrosse one last time before he graduates from high school.
Autoimmune Disease
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Here We Go Again
Here I go, here I go, here I go again. Girl, what’s my weakness? MOLD!
No, this isn’t a new Salt-N-Pepa remix. It’s my life. Again.
Aging
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Happy Birthday to Me
It’s my 52nd birthday today. I know I’m supposed to lament getting older, but for the most part, I like being this old.
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To My Valentines and Galentines
My husband already knows how much I love him, so I’m going to jump on the Galentine’s Day bandwagon this year and show some love to the women in my life.
Relationships
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Saint Denise
My sister is a saint. She’s no angel, but she is on her way to sainthood after this past weekend.
Aging
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Stretching to the Oldies
Am I the only one who feels stiff and sore all the time? If I sit too long, it’s like rigor mortis sets in. My joints lock up like a corpse and when I try to move, it’s sounds like I’m stepping on old floorboards.
Needless to say, my morning workouts start and end with a whole lot of stretching these days.
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Family Connections
We are a competitive family. We battle it out watching game shows and fight for top dog status with Super Bowl squares and March Madness brackets. It’s not aggressive, but we do engage in some good-natured trash talking — which, let’s be honest, is the real reason why we compete….
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Off The Grid
I like to think that I could a simpler life. Off the grid somewhere, isolated from other people, with the closest neighbors miles away. But each time we lose power, which is more common than you’d think despite living in a relatively affluent area, I’m reminded how much I need…
Aging
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New Year, Wiser Me
I don’t make New Year’s resolutions anymore. I also don’t choose a word or theme for the year. I do, however, loosely set a few intentions — with ‘loosely’ being the operative word in that statement. I’ve written about my disillusion with resolutions a few times. Ever since I declared…
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Holiday Hangover
Does anyone else feel hungover after the holidays, or is it just me? I’m not talking about New Year’s Eve. I’m talking about the full week between Christmas Eve and New Year’s Day. I feel like I’ve been on a week-long bender, and I don’t even drink! Normally, even though…
Aging
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Just Add It To The List
Anyone else get an autoimmune disease for Christmas yesterday? No? Just me? Don’t be jealous. It’s not exactly what I wanted. I would have preferred a new car with a big red bow on it, like you see in all the TV commercials this time of year. But apparently the…
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Chasing The Perfect Christmas
Christmas is less than a week away and I am, once again, not ready. Not only have I not decorated and don’t plan to — although I did feel a bang of nostalgia a few nights ago and thought about it, but then quickly remembered how resentful I get dragging…
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A Writer’s Life
The meme above is totally spot-on for me today (although, substitute dresses for swimsuits). I usually write my Tuesday posts on Sunday (then schedule them to go live), but like everyone else I know, I’m busy AF right now with work and the holidays and appliances breaking and my college…
Aging
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Call Me Madam President
Does anyone else remember that old Hair Club for Men commercial from the ’80s? You know, the one with Sy Sperling saying, “I’m not only the president, I’m also a client.” Well, I am the Sy Sperling of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee. Not only am I a member, I’m…
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I Killed Al Green
To my mother’s dismay, I do not have a green thumb. Despite that fact that I’ve been able to keep two boys alive for 20.5 and 17.5 years, respectively, I cannot keep a houseplant alive for more than a few weeks. My latest victim? Al Green. Okay, so unless you’re…
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Winner, Winner, Turkey Dinner: Lowering the Holiday Bar
Today is November 21 — my mother’s birthday (yes, she’s the adorable cover girl in the turkey hat shown above). It’s also two days before Thanksgiving — the worst (car) travel day of the year. I’ve already driven up to New York twice this month: Once for a college tour,…
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Molly Pitcher Got a Facelift
Molly Pitcher is NOT the name of the redhead with me in this cover photo, but she is the only other person I know who’s excited that Molly Pitcher got a facelift. Molly Pitcher is the name of my go-to rest stop on the southbound side of the New Jersey…
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‘Tis the Season for Sneezing
It’s cold and flu season, which means it’s also sneeze season. I’m not exactly a germophobe, but I am rightfully grossed out when someone sneezes near me and doesn’t cover their mouth and nose — or wash their hands if they sneeze into their hand, rather than into a tissue…
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Our First and Last Senior Night
Talk about all the feels … Last Friday night marked the end of an era: O’s last high school football game. It was also Senior Night. For S and me, it was our first and our last, which made it that much more bittersweet. SIDE NOTE/EXPLANATION: Our oldest graduated high…
Food & Nutrition
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The Real Flavor of Fall
A quick poll: Are you team pumpkin spice or team apple cider? Once the weather cools and the tree leaves change colors, people often debate which fall flavor reigns supreme: pumpkin spice or apple cider. In our family, the answer is complicated. My sister hates all things pumpkin spice. HATES…
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Happy Anniversary to Me
I’m not one to make a big fuss about holidays or birthdays, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t pause and reflect on a very important day for me … October 7 marked my 11-year sober birthday, or soberversary. I usually post something about my soberversary each year and use…
Parenting
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Football, HoCo, and College Applications: It’s Officially Fall
Now that it’s “officially” fall, we are knee-deep in all things fall: high school football, homecoming, college family weekend, Mallomars (of course!), and as an added bonus this year, college applications.
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My Accidental Boycott of NSD
Last week, I accidentally boycotted National Sons Day. Unintentionally intentionally is more accurate. I can’t keep up with all these made-up social media holidays. I can barely keep up with real holidays!
Aging
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Going Home: Lessons From My Parents
What I took away from spending five days with my aging parents in my childhood home — it’s more than just ‘stuff.’
Aging
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Swedish Death Cleaning: Part 2
I just spent five days back in my childhood home on Long Island, helping my parents declutter over 50 years worth of “stuff”. It was emotional and challenging, to say the least.
Aging
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Swedish Death Cleaning
I’m at my parents’ house this week, Swedish death cleaning. What’s the over-under on how long I last?
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Friday Night Lights: Senior Edition
High school football has officially begun — another “last” for O’s senior year.
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The First of the Lasts
O’s first day of school was yesterday. His senior year of high school. That means, Monday was his last first day of school … and the first of the lasts.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
Aging
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Pickleball is Church
Pickleball is my new church. I play on Sunday mornings, some people are fanatics, and there’s a lesson to learn each time I play.
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Music To My Ears
Proof that I’m old: I was watching a cover band play yacht rock while my boys were at a Drake concert.
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Independence Day
He may not have a license still, but my baby has figured out how to navigate the bus and train transportation from Philly to NY all on his own.
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My Weekend Recharge
We are not weekend getaway people. But this weekend was different. We needed a break — so we took it.
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One Hot Bitch
I have officially reached that point in the summer when I become one hot bitch.
I do not think this is what they mean by #hotgirlsummer.
Aging
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Midlife Sleeping Beauty
Confession time: I’m not a pretty sleeper. The closest I get to sexy is the black silk eye mask I occasionally use to block out any residual light.
Aging
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Practical is the New Sexy
Last month, I got a vacuum cleaner for my anniversary. Not exactly sexy, but who needs sexy when you can have practical?
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Bob and Weave, Bitch
I’m not one to rely on social influencers for life advice, but “bob and weave” is so on-point — and the delivery is hysterical.
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Call Me Lauren Murphy
It’s official. I’m changing my name to Lauren Murphy because, once again, my luck has run out and it’s been a series of disasters around here lately.
Aging
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Words Are Hard
“Words are hard,” was the refrain Nick always used when he stumbled over his words in an early morning class. But words are especially hard when you’re grieving.
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Anxious and Awkward at 51
Hi, I’m Lauren and I am a socially anxious introvert. I’m awkward around people, and to make matters worse, my memory sucks and my name recall is horrible.
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It’s That Time of Year Again
It’s the end of May and that means the #manchild is home again.
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Junior Prom: Then and Now
Junior Proms today are very different than they were back in my day, 34 years ago.
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On the Road Again
Five road trips in seven weeks … this is not how I usually roll, especially since I’m not a road-trip-kind-of-girl. But as a college lacrosse mom, you make sacrifices.
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Don’t Be a D*ck
Our unofficial family motto is “Don’t be a d*ck.” It could be “Be kind,” but that’s not how we roll.
Aging
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The O.G. Stan
While my husband, Stan, is the O.G. stan (lower case ‘s’), he’s not my O.G. Stan (upper case ‘S’). That title belongs to my high school bestie’s dad, Stan Eisenstein, who passed away a few days ago.
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The Gen Z Phrase I Both Love and Hate
My boys say this all the time: “It’s not that deep.” One one hand, it’s an enlightened outlook on life; on the other, it’s dismissive and disrespectful.
Aging
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Menopause, Mother Nature and Me
Like spring weather, menopause is unpredictable.
Same, girl. Same.
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An Unorthodox Easter
An Unorthodox Easter
Ice cream and poutine, burgers and wings … Not exactly a traditional Easter, but who says you have to eat ham anyway?
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Low-Key High-Maintenance
I like to think I’m pretty low-maintenance. My family would disagree. They say I’m low-key high-maintenance.
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Fair-Weather Fan
And so it begins … Spring track season. But did it have to start in a monsoon?
I love watching my boys compete, but I’m a fair-weather fan. Not in the traditional sense, but in the actual weather sense.
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Bring Back Quarantine Living
Around this time three years ago, the world stopped and we were all in lockdown. Quarantine sucked big time, but there are some parts I’d like to bring back.
Before you come at me, hear me out …
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Jack and Danny
Beaver, cooter, clam, box, snatch, … the list of crude slang for female genitalia is endless. What’s wrong with calling it what it is? A vagina.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
Aging
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Weak Bones, Strong Attitude
At 51, I know I’m not young. But aren’t I too young for osteoporosis? Apparently not.
I may have weak bones, but I have a strong attitude.
Aging
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51 Is The New 50
51 is the New 50
Last year, I turned 50 and it was anything but fabulous. Yesterday, I turned 51 and this is my do-over year.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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Love is … Meatloaf on Tuesday Night
Today is Valentine’s Day. It’s also Tuesday. Nothing says romance like meatloaf on a Tuesday night.
Aging
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Classic and Old
Classic and Old
What constitutes oldies music for you? Songs for the 1950s and ’60s, right? Apparently, ’80s and ’90s hip hop is, too. I disagree.
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Bradley Richmond Lives Upstairs
Bradley Richmond doesn’t really live upstairs. That’s just the name I call my youngest son … Read this week’s blog to learn why.
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Just Not Feeling It Today
Just Not Feeling It Today
It happens — I’m just not feeling it today. But I’ve been on a 16-month posting streak and I’ll be damned if I miss a week because of my low mood.
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Get Off The Sidelines
Get Off The Sidelines
This post may anger some of you, and really, those are the people who need to hear this the most.
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Love Language or Toxic Trait?
Love Language or Toxic Trait?
Gary Chapman says there are 5 love languages. I think there are 6.
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The Anti-Resolution Post
The Anti-Resolution Post
Shocker … I don’t celebrate New Year’s Eve and I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. I’m the Anti-Resolution girl. Kind of like Taylor Swift’s “Anti-Hero,” but older and less glamorous.
Elders, In-Laws & Extended Family
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I Blame Tom Dewey
I Blame Tom Dewey
Today is my dad’s 79th birthday, so I’m paying homage to the man who gave me some of my best and worst traits.
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It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas — Sort Of
It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas — Sort Of
It’s less than a week before Christmas and, as the song says, “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas everywhere you go.” Everywhere but my house, that is.
Exercise & Movement
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My Obsession with Streaking and Blue Balls
My Obsession with Streaking and Blue Balls
It’s not what you think.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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I Came For The Jacket
I Went For The Jacket
It’s banquet season, and for a socially anxious introvert like me, that’s problematic.
But I went — for the jacket.
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Balance is Bullshit
Balance is Bullshit
Yes, you can want it all. Do it all. Be it all … Just not at the same time. Something’s always got to give.
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Signs My College Kid is Home
Signs My College Kid is Home
It’s Thanksgiving break and my college sophomore is home for 10 days. I don’t want to brag, but 3-1/2 days in and we’re crushing it!
Aging
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Octogenarians Know How to Party
This is what my grandparents, aunt, and uncle looked like in their 70s and 80s. Today’s octogenarians are nothing like this. It could be the hair dye, or maybe it’s all the birthday cake.
Last weekend, I co-hosted an early, semi-surprise birthday party for my mother, and I learned a few things along the way. For one, octogenarians know how to party.
Food & Nutrition
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The Great Food Fight
The Great Food Fight
For as long as I can remember, my youngest has been a picky eater (with a big sweet tooth). As someone with an autoimmune disease, healthy eating is a priority, so I’m a stickler for my boys eating well-balanced meals.
But they’re not babies anymore. I know I have to pick my battles, and this year, I finally decided that school lunch and O’s pre/post-game candy ritual are not hills I’m willing to die on.
As a result, our great food fight is now more like a cold war.
Autoimmune Disease
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Shut Your Mouth!
Shut Your Mouth!
I’m not usually one to follow silly social media trends, but I was intrigued by mouth taping because quality sleep has evaded me for decades. After doing my researching and trying it for a couple of months, have two big takeaways: Not all TikTok trends are foolish, and mouth taping works for me.
This is a different type of post this week, but read it anyway. Maybe it’ll work for you (not medical advice; be sure to check with your doctor before trying).
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Independent Woman
Independent Woman
I swore I’d never post about politics on this blog, but here we are …
When I was 18, I registered as an Independent voter because I thought I was being a rebel. Fast-forward 32 years, and I’m still registered as an Independent, but my voting history definitely skews in one direction.
Aging
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Like Mother, Like Daughter
Like Mother, Like Daughter
Genetically, I’m a pretty even split of my parents. But as I’ve entered deeper into midlife, I’ve noticed that I’m slowing becoming more and more like my mother.
Mothering
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DWB: What They Don’t Teach in Driver’s Ed
DWB: What They Don’t Teach in Driver’s Ed
Driving While Black is real, and as a white woman with a Black husband and two Black sons who are driving, it scares the crap out of me.
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Iron Maiden: Where’s Don Frank When I Need Him?
Iron Maiden: Where’s Don Frank When I Need Him.
I have many skills, but ironing is not one of them. This is usually not a problem, but every now and then it would be useful … like this past weekend for Homecoming.
My mother failed me, and so did my junior high home ec teacher. Where’s @donfrank17 when I need him?
Food & Nutrition
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It’s Mallomar Season
Fall is finally here and that means one thing: It’s Mallomar Season
Sure, it’s also time for football, apple picking, and all things pumpkin spice, but if you ask my mother, autumn is really about the cookies.
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It’s About Damn Time
I’m not a patient person and I can only take being inconvenienced for so long before I lose it. Living through three+ extra weeks of stucco remediation proved that.
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Learning To Let Go: Fourth Time’s a Charm
Learning To Let Go: Fourth Time’s a Charm
On Saturday, I dropped my oldest off at school in Vermont to start his sophomore year of college. This is the fourth time I’ve had to say goodbye, and I think I’m finally getting the hang of it. The key: Step back and don’t take anything personally.
Mothering
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Friday Night Lights: Tales From The Bleachers
Friday Night Lights: Tales From The Bleachers
I love watching my boys play the sports they love, but it’s more complicated than that for me.
Read more on midlifemoxieandmuscle.com
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BTS? More Like BS (The ‘T’ Is Silent)
BTS? More Like BS (The ‘T’ Is Silent)
Yesterday was the first day of school for my youngest, a high school junior. There was no “first-day-of-school” photo taken, unless you count the one I took of him walking away this morning in his mismatched, too-small clothes.
So here we are, back to school and back to the bullshit.
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Hostess Without The Mostest
HOSTESS WITHOUT THE MOSTEST
I am not the hostess with the mostest — unless the mostest refers to the one with the most anxiety about hosting. If that’s what you mean, then I’m your girl.
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Male Pattern Blindness
I’m not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure my husband and both my sons suffer from the same ailment: male pattern blindness. I first wrote about it in 2014 and I was hopeful the malady was something that they’d outgrow. But here we are, eight years later, and I’m convinced — having a penis makes you blind.
Parenting
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Summer Job Blues
SUMMER JOB BLUES
Does any teenager actually enjoy his/her summer job?
My summer jobs consisted of camp counselor, retail employee, and office worker. Not enjoyable, but also not hard.
My oldest has been chopping wood, pulling weeds, and cutting grass in the blazing hot sun and oppressive humidity as a landscaper’s assistant this summer. It sucks, but it’s teaching him life skills — I hope.
Aging
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I Used To Be Fun, Now I’m Just Tired
I Used To be Fun, Now I’m Just Tired
Back in the day, I was a lot of fun. I don’t remember many of the details, but I was a hoot.
Now, I have a days-of-the-week pill box, reading glasses, and a hard 10PM bedtime … and I’m not mad at it.
Aging
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I Hate Summer
I know this is blasphemy to some of you, but I’ve come to a point in my life where I hate summer.
Aging
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Too Much Peopling
TOO MUCH PEOPLING
This week’s blog post is short because I’m in recovery — from too much peopling. IYKYK
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Construction Chaos: An Analogy for My Life
I may need to buy this door mat from EverAspenHome on etsy.com (#notanad) because my home — and my life — is a total shit show.
Living through home repairs and construction is pure chaos for someone with anxiety. It’s also the perfect analogy for my current life: A hot mess right now, but in the end it’ll be beautiful — I hope!
Aging
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Let’s Talk About (Midlife) Sex
Let’s Talk About (Midlife) Sex
Spinderella, cut it up one time …
Now that I’m 50, I think it’s time for a Salt n’ Pepa remake. “Let’s Talk About MIDLIFE Sex.” Something that talks about gray pubic hair, stretching as foreplay, and the benefits of coconut oil.
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If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another
If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another
I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than f*ck. Things keep breaking in my house. Big things. Expensive things. Seriously, WTaF?! Can a girl get a break?
But I’m saying f-you to Murphy and his law, and trying my hand at The Law of Attraction to bring more positivity (and less broken shit) into my life.
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Girlfriend Therapy
Girlfriend Therapy
As you know if you read this blog regularly, I’ve been struggling, and as a result, my anxiety has been through the roof. This past weekend, I had the rare opportunity to spend time with two of my most favorite people, but I almost didn’t go. In the end, I pushed through, and it was exactly what I didn’t even know I needed most.
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A Loving History Lesson
A Loving History Lesson
Despite my birthday being in February, June holds a special place in my heart. Without the Supreme Court’s 1967 decision in Loving v. Virginia, neither my June anniversary nor my oldest son’s June birthday would be possible. Thank you, Mildred and Richard Loving for fighting for us.
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The Next Best Thing
The Next Best Thing
It’s been a rough few months and I could really use a vacation.
I would have preferred a tropical beach getaway, but a solo staycation was the next best thing to help me recharge and get back on track.
Aging
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My House is Making Me Fat
My House is Making Me Fat
It may sound dramatic, but this is not hyperbole … My house is literally making me fat. Sick and fat.
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Guess Who’s Back? Back Again
Guess who’s back? Back again. Henry’s back. Tell a friend …
Okay, so the real lyrics are Shady’s back, but you get the idea. This song has been playing on a loop in my head for the past six days since my oldest came home from college.
How do you think it’s going so far?
Aging
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Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner
I spent decades of my life being quiet. I held my tongue, not wanting to rock the boat or cause a scene. But at 50, I am no longer quiet. I set boundaries like a queen and am not afraid to call someone out on them if they’ve been crossed — or if I’ve been wronged.
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Just Another Sunday
Just another Sunday
Mother’s Day was this past weekend and despite having lowered my expectations over the years, I was still disappointed this year. It started out well, but went down hill fast.
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Pockets of Sunshine
Pockets of Sunshine
Even on my darkest days, there are still pockets of sunshine — I just have to remember to look for them.
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Sweating the Small Stuff
Sweating The Small Stuff
I try to focus on the little things that bring me joy each day, but it’s also the little things that stress me out on the regular because I have yet to master the art of not sweating the small stuff. #petpeeves
Mothering
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Spring Break Success
Spring Break Success
It may not have been exotic or tropical, but it was exactly what I needed. My heart and soul are full … I call that a spring break success.
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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A Much-Needed (Spring) Break
A Much-Needed (Spring) Break
It’s been a rough stretch here lately, with more on the horizon, and frankly, I need a break … So I’m taking it.
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Music is My Meditation
Music is My Meditation
For me, it’s all about the vibe and how a song makes me feel. It’s why I pick my @onepeloton rides and runs by the playlist.
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A Spring Without Sports
A Spring Without Sports
It makes me a little sad, but it’s also a blessing in way — at least for this season.
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My Four Favorite Words
My Four Favorite Words
They may never be the answer to Wordle, but they do say a lot about the kind of person I am.
Exercise & Movement
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From Trophy Collector to Badge Whore
From Trophy Collector to Badge Whore
As a kid, I proudly displayed all my trophies, plaques, and prize ribbons on shelves in my bedroom. Fast-forward to today, and I’ve traded in being a trophy collector to a virtual badge whore. They may take up space or collect dust, but there is a downside …
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Not On My Bucket List
Not On My Bucket List
The idea of circling the globe and completing challenges is appealing to me on an intellectual level, but in reality, I know I’m not cut out for it.
Aging
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50 Life Lessons
50 Life Lessons
Now that I’ve been 50 for over a week, I can safely say that I really AM wiser. With 50 years of life lessons under my belt, I’m a bit like an old sage …
Aging
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With Age, Comes Wisdom
With age, comes wisdom
After 50 years on Earth, I’ve learned a few things about myself.
Marriage
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Valentine’s Day Throuple
Valentine’s Day Throuple
This year, I had to share Valentine’s Day with my husband’s mistress. It wasn’t as bad you’d think …
Autoimmune Disease
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Confession: I’m Struggling
Confession: I’m Struggling
I almost didn’t post this because it’s too personal. But I’ve found that when I’m most open, honest, and raw, it helps. So here it goes …
Aging
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Aging Parents
Aging Parents
I throw a lot of shade at my parents for their senior citizen ways, but I know I’m lucky to still have them. Watching our parents age is hard. Watching them die is even harder.
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It’s More Than Just Hair
It’s More Than Just Hair
Currently, my boys are sporting natural locs. They may be judged by others for their hairstyle, but in Black culture, hair isn’t just hair. It has so much meaning. No matter what anyone else thinks, these kings can wear their crowns however they like. #momapproved
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And Just Like That …
And Just Like That …
Winter break is over and H is back at school. The time flew by, but it also crawled at times. Either way, I still miss him, now that he’s gone.
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2022 Resolution: Do Your Best
2022 Resolution: Do Your Best
My late friend, Emily, lived by the mantra, “Do Your Best!” And really, isn’t that all we can do? So this year, let’s all make this our only resolution — to just do our best. Whatever that means on any given day.
Elders, In-Laws & Extended Family
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Low-Key Christmas Miracles
Despite the over-the-top outfit choice of my youngest, our Christmas was pretty low-key, yet filled with miracles. Small, low-key Christmas miracles, but miracles all the same.
Aging
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Christmas Traditions, Past and Present
Christmas Traditions, Past and Present
We used to take photos with Santa, cut down our own Christmas trees, sprinkle reindeer dust, and move that damn Elf on the Shelf every night. Now, we do … none of that.
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The Prodigal Son Returns: College Edition
The Prodigal Son Returns: College Edition
Over the weekend, my college freshman came home for winter break a week early. It was a bit of a surprise, but we’re ready.
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I Don’t Need Your Permission
I don’t need your permission. And frankly, you don’t need mine. Live your own life. Eat the donut, or don’t eat the donut. No matter what the IG “influencers” say.
Aging
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All Hail The Queen of Shade
All Hail The Queen of Shade
My grandmother is the O.G. Queen of Shade. Lately, my mother’s been throwing a lot of shade, and she doesn’t even know what that expression means! As a shade thrower myself, I’m forced to admit this it’s a family trait.
Aging
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Grateful … and Irritated
Grateful … and Irritated. It’s okay to be both, even on Thanksgiving. It’s called being human.
Mothering
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Back-to-School: College Edition
Back-to-School: College Edition
Things I should have told my son
Exercise & Movement
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My Love Letter to [solidcore]
My love letter to [solidcore].
[solidcore] is so much more than a workout. It’s been my one saving grace during COVID and pandemic living.
Autoimmune Disease
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Pushing Pause
After the shitshow that was 2020, there’s no need to rush into 2021. Slow down and push pause on those New Year’s resolutions until you’ve had time to rest and recover.
Aging
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‘Tis The Season For Winter Kvetching
Raynaud’s syndrome makes winter suck. ‘Tis the season for kvetching.
Mindset & Personal Growth
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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My Quarantined Life, Part VI
The final chapter of the mini-series, #myquarantinedlife … Surprised that I’m still surprised!
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My Quarantined Life, Part V
#myquarantinedlife Holiday Edition: Is it Memorial Day or Christmas in May? When a day alone feels like a holiday.
Mindset & Personal Growth
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My Quarantined Life, Part IV
My Quarantined Life, Part IV: Eight things I never thought I’d do.
Mindset & Personal Growth
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My Quarantined Life, Part II
This past week was rough. As we enter week eight of our new stay-at-home way of life, it’s safe to say that the natives are getting restless here in the Tarr household. I know I am! The novelty has worn off. Schedules have been abandoned, distance learning has becoming a…
Mindset & Personal Growth
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My Quarantined Life, Part III
It’s all about the silver linings. Yesterday was Mother’s Day, and while my I’m often disappointed with how the day goes, I was pleasantly surprised this year. Not because I woke up to a bouquet of flowers and a pile of gifts (I didn’t), or because I was showered with…
Mindset & Personal Growth
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My Quarantined Life, Part I
A midlife mom’s observations and personal discoveries during #quarantinelife
Elders, In-Laws & Extended Family
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Corona Easter … WWJD?
Easter during the Coronavirus pandemic … To celebrate or not to celebrate, that is the question. WWJD?
Girl Talk: Meet Me in the Ladies' Room
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2020: The Year of the -Ish Girl
Happy New Year! Yea, yea, I know … You’re probably thinking, “Really, Lauren? It’s already February. Valentine’s Day is next week. Nice of you to show up!” You’re right. I am late to the party again. Not once in the history of this blog have I announced the New Year…
Autoimmune Disease
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A Thanksgiving Tale: How I Became Grateful for My Autoimmune Disease
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and like most other Americans who celebrate this holiday, I like to reflect on the people and things for which I am grateful. Looking back at my older Thanksgiving posts (you can reread them here, here, here, and here), not much has changed; I’m still just as…
Mothering
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Preparing for Re-entry: A How-To Guide for Navigating a Teen’s Return Home from His First Semester Away
In a few hours, my oldest will be home from his first semester at boarding school. He’s been living away from home for about three months now, minus one long weekend about six weeks ago. During that whirlwind visit, he arrived home with eight bags of dirty laundry, a big…
Messing the Nest and Saying Goodbye: A Back to School Saga
Since I’ve been on a roll all year with delayed holiday/seasonal blog posts, I’m going to keep my streak alive with my late #backtoschool commentary. Better late than pregnant never, as they say. Anyway, … If your social media feed is anything like mine, it’s been filled these past few…
Uneventful Isn’t Synonymous with Pleasant: Observations From An Anxious Flyer
Last week, I traveled (by plane) to Florida for my best friend’s son’s bar mitzvah — and hers and her husband’s, too, because neither of them had made their own as 13-year-olds and what better time to do it then when their own first-born son was making his. Pretty amazing,…
Go Ahead and Miss a Few Games … Your Kids Will Survive
NOTE: This piece is a rebuttal to a recent PopSugar article that’s been circling the web for the past few weeks. Fasten your seat belts, readers, because I’m fired up! At the risk of ruining my chance of ever guest-writing for PopSugar (or maybe this will raise my chances —…
Hall & Oates and The Mercury Retrograde Funk
Disclaimer: This is not the name of a new 80’s-inspired band, but rather my tale of how the iconic duo, Hall & Oates, and the end of the Mercury retrograde cycle got me out of a recent funk. As you’ve probably noticed, it’s been a hot minute since my last…
Trader Who? Why Wegmans Is My Bae
Move over, Trader Joe’s … Wegmans is where it’s at! Poor grammar aside, this statement is #truth — at least for me. I’m sure the diehard Trader Joe’s fans out there are shaking their heads at me, wondering how I could shun the cauliflower gnocchi, tiny avocados and Joe Joe’s…
Sometimes It Really Is Black And White (Not Gray)
My blog has always been something of a public diary for me, providing a creative outlet to express myself and connect with others. It’s also been a fun place to provide a bit of humor and sass about everyday experiences that we as parents, and women in particular, endure on…
2019 Resolution Rebel
A New Year’s post on January 22? Yep, I’m a rebel like that. Know what else makes me a rebel? Not making any New Year’s resolutions this year. No promises to workout more or eat healthier (I’ve already got both of those on lock). No pledges to curse less or…
A Day Late and a Dollar Short Again: Christmas Edition
Yep, another late holiday post from your favorite sassy blogger. At least you know I’m keeping it real, right? For those of you keeping score, that’s two late holiday posts in a row — Thanksgiving and Christmas. And since I didn’t even write a Halloween post, I guess you could…
A Day Late and a Dollar Short, But Still Grateful
Yesterday was Thanksgiving. If your social media feed is anything like mine, you were probably bombarded with photos of beautiful table settings, delicious food and happy families. I did not join in the obligatory posts, as our Thanksgiving was not exactly Pinterest-inspired. Rather, it was super chill. We replaced the…
Why Seventh Grade English Class Brought Me To Tears
Exactly two weeks ago, it was Parent Visitation Day at my younger son’s middle school. This marked my fifth go-round with PVD, thanks to having two kids spaced three years apart. #poorplanning #hindsightis2020. In the past, I’ve blogged about my begrudging return to middle school (always at the request of…
A “Sonday” Kind of Love
A couple of weeks ago, it was National Daughters Day. Apparently. I’m still not sure if this was a real holiday or just a social media thing. Either way, my Facebook feed was blowing up with heartfelt notes and beautiful photos from just about every #girlmom I know. But I…
The Fine Line Between Love and Hate: A Back-to-School Tale
Please pray for my kids this week … They are in mourning, having just realized that their four-day school weeks are over. This week and the week after, they have to go to school for a full five days in a row. GASP! Two straight weeks of reading, writing and…
The Summer That Wasn’t
Today was the first day of school, so for all intents and purposes, summer is over (despite what the calendar says). I, for one, am happy because this summer sucked big time. Sure, there were a few fun days here and there — a long weekend at the Shore to…
One Man’s Treasure …
Sweden has made some pretty remarkable contributions to the world. A few that come to mind: dynamite, the zipper, IKEA®, (Swedish) meatballs, Swedish fish (I favored green and yellow as a kid, but my dad was red all the way), actress Ingrid Bergman, actor Alexander Skarsgård and tennis legend Björn…
Crying Over Spilt Milk and Sponge Baths
Today was not a good day. I cried over spilt milk. Not figuratively. Not metaphorically. Literally. It was not my best parenting moment, to say the least. To be fair, it wasn’t exactly a glass of milk; It was a collagen protein shake. But it did have almond milk in…
Fun with Bodily Fluids
Quick show of hands … How many of you reading this blog spent your weekend at home collecting urine and saliva? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? … I guess I was the only one. Yes, it’s true. For two whole days, I peed into a jug and spit into a vial….
Hey There, … You!
I have a confession to make … I am not good with names. I forget them as soon as I learn them. It’s not that I’m not listening — although to be fair, sometimes I’m not — it’s just that I cannot seem to retain new information they way I…
What I Learned On Broad Street
I do not consider myself a runner. I am an occasional jogger, at best. I prefer to lift weights and do high intensity interval training circuits. That’s my jam. Running ten miles is not. But last Sunday, I did just that and lived to tell the tale. Back in February,…
If It’s Spring, It’s Lacrosse Season
Despite the frigid temperatures, freezing rain and even snow that lasted through the end of April (yes, just a mere four days ago), it has officially been spring since March 20. These past six weeks certainly haven’t felt like it, that’s for sure. But being the astute observer that I…
Lenten Lesson: Just Be Nice
WARNING: Profanity-filled post below. With Easter behind us, another Lenten season has come to a close. Forty-three days of sacrifice and repentance in the books — woot, woot! To my fellow Catholics out there, you may now start drinking, smoking, cursing, eating sweets, playing video games and binge watching Netflix again…
Taking Hot Mess to a Whole New Level
Mistakes happen and sometimes they have consequences. Nine days ago, I burned my hand — badly. I mindlessly reached into the oven without an oven mitt and grabbed a scorching hot pan. Stupid, I know. The result: lots of screaming and crying, a messed up dinner and second-degree burns across…
Leg Warmers: Winter’s Savior
This is a public service announcement for all my thin-skinned female readers, shivering this winter. I don’t know if you know this about me, but I’m a bit of a trendsetter. One-shoulder tops and dresses? Pantone purple? Athleisurewear? The #messyhairdontcare movement? All me. Well, maybe not officially, but I like…
If Eye Rolling Was An Olympic Sport …
The XXIII Olympic Winter Games just ended and despite not being a winter sports girl, I am blown away by the level of skill, dedication and determination that the athletes display. They train every day for years to make their dreams a reality; It truly is amazing! My boys are…
Giving Up Lent
If you’re Catholic, you know that tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, a.k.a., the first day of Lent. Lent, for all you non-Catholics reading this, is the forty days (or 43, this year) before Easter when Catholics pray, reflect, fast and make penance. Basically, it’s a six-week period when we give up…
Recycling Resolutions, 2018-style
Happy New Year! Can I still say that? It is January 12, after all. Anyway, … This is the time of year when we all make grand resolutions to improve ourselves in some way: Vow to eat healthier and exercise more; Promise to meditate daily and go to bed earlier;…
Festivus For The Rest of Us
Over the past two weeks, I’ve sat down four separate times to write a festive holiday post. Something light and fun about outrageous Elf on the Shelf shenanigans, ugly Christmas sweaters and oversized SUVs adorned with reindeer antlers and Rudolph noses. But I just can’t seem to do it. My…
The Tooth Fairy Doesn’t Live Here Anymore
Last week while I was cooking dinner, my 11-year-old casually handed me his molar (the third one in as many weeks) and held his hand open for money. This has been our routine — him trading his tooth for a dollar — ever since I told him the truth about…
Mother Knows Best
If you know my mother at all, you know her favorite things in life are black coffee and anything chocolate, Home Goods and Lord & Taylor, oldies music and the Sunday funnies, her friends and family — especially her two daughters and five grandsons (her husband and sons-in-law pull a…
The Perfect Teenager
Recently, a friend of mine used the “P” word to describe her middle schooler. Not the Trump “P” word (get your mind out of the gutter). The word she used was “perfect.” I held my tongue because I love my friend and her son is honestly a great kid, but…
Fourth Time’s a Charm? Not Exactly
Last Friday, I spent six hours at my son’s middle school for Parent Visitation Day. I think this should negate at least six of my bad mommy moments (one for each hour ) — am I right? Since this is not my first rodeo, I’ll shed a little light for…
Putting My Mask on First
I don’t like to brag, but last Tuesday, I hopped on a plane in the middle of the school week to visit my best friend in Florida for her birthday. I was only gone for 36 hours, but it was fantastic! I am a lucky girl. My husband agreed to…
Are Teenage Boys Just Oversized Toddlers?
I’m not usually one to lament how kids grow up too fast or how time flies by. I probably will when the kids are out of the house and I’m all alone, but right now I mostly embrace the aging process — as my posts in 2015 (read here) and 2016 (read here)…
Back to School: The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same
It’s the end of week 3 of the new school year and I’m already fed up with the morning struggle. Who’s with me? This year, both my boys started in new schools (one high school, one middle school) with new start times, new bus routes and new schedules and commitments….
The Summer That Wasn’t: Tale of The Lost Season
No more pencils, no more books, no more teacher’s dirty looks … It’s been nine weeks since school ended and summer vacation began. But with only a few days left before the kids return to school, I’m left wondering, where did the summer go? Summer used to be my favorite season….
Club Independence
I-i-i-in Chester County, not born but raised, the pool club is where I spend most of my days … Okay, so those aren’t the real lyrics to The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, but that song is stuck in my head so I’m taking poetic license to draw you in….
Graduating on the Down Low
It’s graduation season! Since the middle of May, social media feeds have been populated with pictures and posts of smiling kids — from college students down to preschoolers — wearing their ceremonial caps and gowns, waving their hard-earned diplomas. There’s usually a lot of pomp and circumstance surrounding graduations, at…
Keeping it Real … My Mother’s Day Wish List
Tomorrow is Mother’s Day — or as I call it, Sunday. In my world, there will be no breakfast-in-bed served or brunch reservations made. No homemade cards with glitter and still-wet glue to read or towering piles of extravagant gifts to open. No bouquet of fresh flowers to smell or surprise facial and much-needed massage booked at…
Playing Hooky, For Kid’s Sake
Friday was a warm, sunny day here in Pennsylvania — the perfect day to play hooky. Being the super awesome mom that I am (read sarcastically), I surprised my younger son with a day off from school and took him and a buddy to the NFL Draft Experience in Philadelphia as an…
My Reflection on Lent … Nailed It!
Okay, so the title of this blog post is a little misleading. Maybe even a lot misleading. Okay, it’s a total lie. I didn’t exactly keep all my Lenten promises for the full 46 days, or even for the more traditional 40 days. I know, I know, I’m a bad Catholic … But some good…
The End of the Innocence
Anyone remember that late ’80s song, “The End of the Innocence,” by Don Henley? I don’t even like that song and, to be honest, I’m not even a big Don Henley fan (except for “The Boys of Summer”), but the chorus of that song has been stuck in my head for the past…
It’s Lent … Proceed with Caution
Today was the first day of Lent, and like a good Catholic, I got my Jesus on. I went to mass (the “lunchtime express” was a mere 20 minutes!), got my ashes (which, sadly, drew attention to my forehead wrinkles) and successfully made it through day #1 without breaking my 2017 Lenten promises ……
How Do I Love Thee? … An Honest Valentine To My Husband
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. I’m generally not one for sappy sonnets and generic, grand gestures, but I do like to tell my husband how much I love and appreciate him on this day. He’s not perfect — far from it, actually — but he’s prefect for me in many ways and for many…
2017, Take 2 … or 12, But Who’s Counting?!
If you read my last blog post, then you know that at the beginning of the year I wasn’t exactly feeling the whole “New Year’s resolution/new year, new me” thing. Despite having just returned from a relaxing vacation in Jamaica, I was feeling stuck. While everyone else was posting inspirational quotes…
Putting 2017 on Pause
Happy New Year! It’s January 3 and I’ve spent the better part of the past few days contemplating what I should post. I wanted it to be inspirational, original and profound. I wanted it to be funny, sassy and smart. I wanted it to be great. Instead, what I’m giving you is simply timely, truthful and probably…
Ten Things I’m NOT Thankful For This Thanksgiving
As the clock strikes 12, it is now officially Thanksgiving — a day to express gratitude for all that we have. Like everyone else on social media, I, too, am grateful for my loving (albeit sometimes frustrating) family, my lifesaving (but too far away) girlfriends, my (overall good) health and all…
My Country ‘Tis of Thee
I had planned on not posting this week because after Tuesday night’s election results, no other topic seemed relevant and frankly, I didn’t want to talk about it. We have a new President-elect and while some people are celebrating, others are protesting. Nothing I can say here will be different from…
Back To (Middle) School, Again
At this time last week, I was slinking out of my son’s middle school, trying not to look like a bad parent. Last Wednesday was Parent Visitation Day, a day when parents are supposed to shadow their children, attending classes and getting a feel for how their days are spent. I…
My Vagina Monologue
A warning to my readers with virgin ears: Today’s post uses obscene and salacious language. Please read at your own risk. Growing up, I had a cat named Mittens. She was gray with white paws that looked like winter mittens, thus her name. My grandmother called her Cat, Fuzzy Cot and Pussy…
To Sit or Squat: That Is The Question
I don’t consider myself an expert at anything. I mean, I’m good at a bunch of things, really good at a few other things, even really, really good at one or two things, but a true expert at something? Probably not — unless you count my extensive familiarity with public restrooms. As the…
My Tuesday Truth
Sometimes, the universe is trying to tell you something. Sometimes, you have to listen very closely to hear it. Sometimes, it smacks you in the face. This morning, as I got the boys off to school and prepared for my day, I had the TV on. I never have the TV…
The Circle Of Life: When A Beginning and Ending Collide
Yesterday was the first day of school for my boys. Eighth grade and fifth grade, respectively — Their last year in middle school and elementary school, also respectively. And from what I hear, it started the same way that last year ended … With each of them chasing down the school bus before it…
I Used To Be Fun
I recently read an article in the New York Post (so take it with a grain of salt) about how parents (at least those from Manhattan and Long Island) are letting loose while their kids are away at sleep away camp. And by loose, I mean wild. As in no-clothes-allowed rules…
Why I’m Not Proud of My Two Champions
It’s been more than a month since my last post and I am shamelessly blaming my kids for my cyber absence. They’re always around now! School’s out, our schedules have changed and we’re still not really in a good rhythm because each week is different. Except for travel lacrosse. The three travel…
A Plea to Empty Nesters (and Those Soon To Be)
It’s graduation season and my Facebook feed is filled with congratulatory posts and sentimental memories from friends and acquaintances with older children (read: kids graduating from high school or college). Each one of these posts is eloquent and heart-felt, filled with emotional remembrances and remarks of children growing up in the blink…
Happy Mother’s Day to All the Okayest Moms Out There
Today is Mother’s Day — at least for another hour or so. I know this because my Facebook stream was filled with posts from just about every woman I know announcing her unconditional love for her children and declaring her own mother to be the world’s best. I did not make a similar Mother’s Day proclamation and…
A Shout Out to My Sideline Sisters and Bleacher Bros
Anyone with kids who play youth sports knows that in order to survive a long season on the sidelines, you need to have your network — a group of like-minded parents who make sitting in the stands more enjoyable. Whether it’s sharing an umbrella in the rain or snuggling under a single blanket in the cold,…
Sorry, Not Sorry … The “No Post” Post
If you are a regular reader of this blog, then you know that my posts are sometimes serious, sometimes snarky and sometimes nonexistent. Occasionally, I miss a week here or there (like last week). I’m sure you’re disappointed when you don’t get to read some pithy piece by me each week, but while I…
44 … Simultaneously Fabulous and F***ed Up
I stopped making a fuss about my birthday sometime in my 20s when it was no longer feasible, reasonable or acceptable to celebrate for an entire week. Thus, last weekend when I turned 44, it read like most of my Saturdays in February — an early morning workout at home followed by a partner workout…
Playing Favorites … Thank You, Harper Lee
I don’t have favorites. My kids used to ask me all the time: “What’s your favorite color? Your favorite food? Favorite flower? Movie? Song? Band? …” Their inquiries were relentless, but my boys know better than to ask anymore. Not because I told them to stop asking, but because my answer is…
My Lenten Promise … “At Least” I’ll Try
Wednesday was the first day of Lent. For my non-Christian readers, Lent is a holy period of fasting, praying and almsgiving. In layman’s speak, it’s the 40 (or 46, depending on how you count) days when Christians are supposed to give up something they love for the weeks leading up to Easter….
Suck It, Old Man Winter!
Some people love winter. I am not one of them. I despise being cold, don’t enjoy winter sports and resent being inconvenienced by school closings and slow driving conditions. I am not made for winter so needless to say, I did not welcome Jonas last weekend. It was just too much….
Calgon, Take Me Away!
Yesterday, I read in the February issue of Prevention magazine that washing dishes can lower your stress level by 27% (according to a recent Florida State University study). If this is true, then I should be in a complete state of zen 24/7 … but I’m not. Since I practically live at…
To All the Pantless Mad Hatters: Stay Warm!
More than a year ago, back on November 20, 2014 to be exact, I posted about how my boys and many of the boys in our area were wearing shorts in the winter, despite sub-freezing temperatures. [QUICK SIDE NOTE: For the record, my post on this topic came out two months before that other blogger had hers published…
2016 Will Be “Good Enough”
Happy New Year, everyone! Yes, I know I’m over a week late, but it beats last year when I posted 17 days late. That’s progress, people. The 2015 me would have been disappointed, resentful and even pissed that other obligations kept me from writing these past two weeks (thus my lack…
Merry Slacker Christmas
Each year, when the Pottery Barn and William-Sonoma catalogs arrive in November, I have ideas of grandeur about how I will decorate for Christmas: A big, beautiful tree, new tartan plaid pillows on the couches, fresh greenery on the mantels, holly in all the vases … But those thoughts are only fleeting because…
The Week I Went On Strike
Two weeks ago, I wrote about feeling grateful despite all my bitching. I promised to find the silver lining in all situations and remember how lucky I am. I even swore off complaining for 24 hours … Well, times up! This is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year — at…
This Thanksgiving, Balancing Gratitude with Complaints
I have a confession to make: I struggled writing this post. It’s Thanksgiving, so naturally I wanted this week’s post to be about giving thanks. I started writing about all the things for which I am truly grateful — my supportive family, my good health, my comfortable home, etc. — but I felt like a fraud. …
(Not) Music to my Ears
I do not come from a musical family. No one can read music, play an instrument or even carry a tune. Nonetheless, where I grew up, joining the school band or orchestra was a rite of passage. During elementary school, my sister tried to play the flute. When she couldn’t get a sound out…
Early Menopause … Living the Dream
ATTENTION TO THE MEN WHO READ MY BLOG: Talk of periods, poop and PMS to follow. Proceed with caution. Getting older sucks. Gray hair, wrinkles, constipation and, as if that wasn’t enough, peri-menopause and menopause. Welcome to the world of irregular periods, hot flashes, night sweats, weight gain and severe mood…
Climbing Trees and Hoping for the Best
If you know me or read this blog regularly, you know I’m a (recovering) control freak and worrier, which makes me a little overprotective as a mother. I’d like to think I’m somewhere between a free-range parent and a helicopter parent, but I know I lean more towards helicopter at times — despite…
Just Say No! Why I am the Nancy Reagan of Volunteering
Let me start by saying thank you to all those moms and dads who volunteer to coach, manage, organize and otherwise get involved for our kids’ sakes. Truly, I appreciate your time, effort and dedication. I used to be one of you. I used to be a volunteer slut. I…
Rough and Tough and Moving On
This past week and a half has been rough. Emotionally draining and exhausting … and unproductive to boot. My floors are filthy, my refrigerator is empty and my blog has been stale all week as a result. I’ve been so consumed by my own issues that I’ve neglected everything and everyone…
Fundraiser Overload
I love autumn. The weather gets cooler, the leaves turn colors, football season is in full swing and fundraising season is winding down. Yes, I said it — the dreaded “f” word (and this time I’m not talking about the 4-letter “f” word that rhymes with ‘art’ and makes my skin crawl)….
Downgrading From an “A” to an “A-minus”
Until recently, I identified myself as a Type A personality. In most aspects of my life, I am textbook Type A: anxious, controlling, sensitive, competitive and highly organized. But in some other areas, not so much. This contradiction has led me to believe that I’m not really a Type A personality, but more of a…
One Down, Forty More to Go
Week #1 of the new school year is officially in the books. Thanks to the long Labor Day weekend, the kids only went to school for four days this week, and it’ll be another four-day week next week, too. This is probably a good thing because our first four days weren’t pretty. Here…
My Back-to-School Boycott
It finally happened today … The first day of school. As I posted last year, I do not get sentimental when the kids go back to school. I don’t cry or worry or wish they could stay home longer. Honestly, I don’t really even miss them during the day. Does that make…
Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder … I Hope!
Last week, I hit my breaking point. Nine weeks of continual family togetherness is not for me. I feel smothered. Don’t get me wrong, I love my boys … I just don’t want to be with them 24/7. Frankly, I don’t want to be with anyone that much. Not my husband, not…
Wanted: Modern-day Housecoat
Does anyone remember the housecoat? The idea was borderline genius: A simple, loose-fitting, above-the-knee dress with pockets. Short sleeves for the spring/summer, long sleeves for the fall/winter. Comfy and practical, perfect for wearing around the house. My grandmother loved a housecoat and, like most women of her generation, wore one every day….
How I am Becoming My Parents
I don’t like to admit this, but I am turning into my mother. Worse yet, I’m turning into my mother AND my father. I’ve always been a genetic mix of my parents. I have light, freckled skin and a narrow upper body (complete with a small bust), thanks to my dad,…
Summer Lovin’
Believe it or not, summer is half over already. Six weeks from now, the kids will be back at school, complaining of homework, tests and projects. This harsh reality slapped me in the face back on July 3rd, the day I received the first “Back to School Sale” email of the…
Heaven and Hell and the New Jersey Turnpike
Last weekend, I drove up to New York all alone. That’s right, alone. Two and a half glorious hours blasting my radio, singing the R-rated lyrics to songs I usually have to censor, chatting with girlfriends on the phone without interruption (thank you, Bluetooth technology) and generally enjoying my solitude. A couple…
That’s What Friends are For
I’ve been sitting in front of the computer for well over two hours now, surfing Pinterest and Facebook, procrastinating. I decided not to publish my original post for this week because it seems too trivial today … My oldest childhood friend is about to bury her father. He was sick for only two weeks. It…
The Summer of Responsibility
Summer vacation started for us on June 12, but with sports camps during the day, travel lacrosse practice at night and lacrosse tournaments on the weekend, it hasn’t felt much like a vacation. I’m still waking the boys up early for (camp) carpools, still packing daily (camp) lunches, still rushing through…
Top 10 Reasons I Don’t Miss Having Younger Children
Last week, my oldest turned 12. I’m sure I’ll regret saying this, but I enjoy having a pre-teen … For the most part, anyway. I could do without the sass and the smell, but having a middle schooler is liberating. I don’t have to rush home to meet the school bus and I don’t have…
Field Day of Dreams and the Dirty “C” Word
Field day. Back in the late ’70s and early ’80s when I was in elementary school, field day was the biggest end-of-school-year event on the calendar. The set up was a combination track and field meets color wars event. It was fun, it was loud and it was competitive. We were divided into teams and competed…
On Your Mark, Get Set, Go! How I Learned to be a “Meet” Mom
With Memorial Day behind us, summer is on the brain. But for us sports moms, we first have to get through the last week or so of spring sports. My friend, George, gave me a piece of advice when my oldest was born. It went something like this: Don’t let your…
Spring Breakup?
Spring used to be my favorite season. The days are longer, warmer and sunnier. Farmers markets are open again. Sweaters replace coats and I get to wear jeans with tank tops and flip flops. Life is good. But this spring has been rough. Frigid snow in March, cold rain in April, the…
A Mother’s Day Poem, Inspired by L.L. Cool J
To all my mom readers, Happy Mother’s Day! Whether you were pampered by your kids with breakfast in bed this morning or left alone to enjoy a day at the spa, I hope you were treated like a queen. Mothering is tough and even thankless at times, but it is…
Why My Kids Love Standardized Test Weeks
Unless you live under a rock without access to the internet (especially Facebook), you are aware of the controversy surrounding Common Core and the wide-reaching “opt-out” movement that is sweeping the nation. Parents are angry, teachers are frustrated and students are stressed. But not my kids. They seem unfazed … And it’s not because they…
Staycation + Re-Lent = Spring No Break
Last week was Spring Break for my kids. It came on the heels of three half-days, so by the time Monday rolled around, I had already had my fill of “kid time.” It was also the first week of our “Re-Lent,” or “Lent, Part II” … What was I thinking? First,…
Spring P/T Conferences are for Suckers
It’s finally spring! Time for longer days, warmer weather and parent/teacher conferences. In our school district, spring parent/teacher conferences only happen at the elementary school level. With one in middle school now, I almost got to skip this annual event. Almost. My third grader insisted that I attend his, despite it being…
Lauren and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Today sucked … until it didn’t. I woke up 45 minutes late. There was a huge pimple on the tip of my nose. My protein shake splashed in my face. I got indigestion from rushing through breakfast. I backed my new car into the garage, damaging the side mirror. I had…
Jesus Would Have Worn Sperry’s
My oldest made his Confirmation last weekend. As one of the seven holy sacraments (and the second of the three sacraments of initiation), it’s kind of a big deal in the Catholic religion because it marks a move into spiritual adulthood … Sort of like a bar mitzvah, but not. Like all formal church events,…
Happy St. March 17th
Just when I thought it was safe to put away the glue sticks after last week’s book report t-shirt task, my third grader came home with a letter from his teacher detailing the fun, family project that was to be completed over the weekend — a leprechaun trap. Are you kidding me? Obviously, his teacher…
The “New” Third Grade Stinks
My youngest is currently in the third grade. I don’t remember much about the third grade. After all, it was a long time ago. But I do remember the basics: My teachers’ name was Mrs. Kenny, my bff was Sharon McLaughlin and we had to square-dance with boys in gym class. I also…
For My Birthday This Year, I Got Guilt
Yes, you read that correctly. It is not a typo. For my birthday this year, I got guilt. Not Gilt, the online retail site. Not gelt, the Chanukah money. Good, old-fashioned guilt … You know, that awful feeling you get when you think you’ve done something wrong or let someone down. That. Not exactly…
Bird Flu, Seasonal Flu or Man (Boy) Flu?
Awhile back, I theorized that having a penis makes boys/men blind. I think it also makes them wimps when sickness strikes. I’m not talking about major illnesses or diseases that deserve our sympathy and attention. I’m talking about run-of-the-mill sniffles, coughs and fevers. You know, basic cold and flu stuff. Here’s how it goes…
Love and Cupcakes
This time last year, I was stressing out about baking homemade, allergy-free cupcakes and designing creative, perfect Valentines for my boys’ classmates … Until a snowstorm canceled school, postponed the class parties and my new attitude about letting things be messy and imperfect finally kicked in. [Click here and here to re-read…
The Forbidden “F” Word
I am not a word prude. I do not have virgin ears (or virgin anything else, for that matter). Crass and vulgar language generally doesn’t upset me … Unless used by children and teenagers. Then I don’t like it. I think there should be an age requirement for swearing, like drinking alcohol or buying cigarettes….
I Have a Dream, Too
Today was MLK Day, the day we honor the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. King was a great man with an even greater dream: Human equality and justice in a world where people would “not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.” As the wife of a black…
New Year, New Me?
Happy New Year! I’m back. I know, I know … I am really late, but it is still January, so “Happy New Year” still works. The old me would have freaked out about posting this piece 16 days after the start of the new year. The old me would have been a stressed-out, mean-to-those-around-her, grumpy lunatic who stayed up…
The Year Without a Santa Claus?
It’s December 23 and it might as well be March 23 because it doesn’t feel like Christmas to me. This year, there’s no Tarr family holiday card (couldn’t find a decent picture). No big Christmas tree (just a sad, 2-foot high Charlie Brown one). No Elf On The Shelf (jealous?)….
Ridin’ Dirty in the BV
I am a neat person. I like things tidy and orderly. Everything has a place. Even my clutter is organized, confined to well-stacked piles in only a few spaces. Too much mess stresses me out. I start to feel suffocated, claustrophobic and out of control. I know, I know, I have…
Thankful on Thursday … and Every Day
Every night, before I go to bed, I write in a gratitude journal as a way to end my day on a positive note. Nothing profound or poetic. Not even in full sentences. Just a quick list of things that made me smile or gave me pause. Most nights, it’s easy to rattle off…
When Did Pants Go Out of Style?
Did I miss a memo? Did pants go out of style for boys? It’s the middle of November and my boys are still wearing shorts. I guess I should be grateful that shorts are long and socks are tall so very little of their legs are actually exposed to the cold…
Butts, Boobs and Boys
My 3rd grader is studying the solar system and every time he names the planets, he smirks, giggles or outwardly laughs when he names Uranus. It’s a joke that never gets old. Butt, boobs, pee, poop … common “potty words” that most little boys find hysterical, but not my boys ……
Lost and (Not) Found
Let’s play a little game … What do the following items have in common? a baseball cap a fleece glove (just one, not the pair) an Under Armour sweatshirt (brand new) a football a frisbee an athletic cup a water bottle a lunch box a day planner a vocabulary workbook an iPad charger a pair of scissors…
The Obligatory Halloween Post
Warning: Gratuitous use of photos in this post. Yesterday was October 31 and while my husband and kids were out trick-or-treating, I was home writing this post and doling out candy to the few trick-or-treaters that trekked up the big hill to our front door. And by few trick-or-treaters, I mean six. That’s it. Just…
What I Learned in Middle School at 42
Flashback to fall, 1984: Benetton sweaters, braces, big hair and even bigger EG socks. I was twelve and in the seventh grade. It was my first year of junior high (we didn’t call it middle school). All the usual pre-teen insecurities and anxieties were multiplied because my school was actually a junior/senior high school, with grades 7-12 together…
The Dog Ate Your Homework? Lame. I Can Do One Better Than That …
We don’t have a dog so the old excuse, “The dog ate my homework!” isn’t an option for my kids. But that’s okay because my youngest found an even better excuse … “My mom burned my homework!” Yep, it’s true. A few weeks ago, I burned my third grader’s math folder and…
Real Boys Wear Pink
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again … I do not dress my kids unless formal wear is required. So when school picture day came around earlier this week, I let my 8-year-old choose his own outfit. My only request was that the clothes be clean and neat-looking. He selected a…
The Best Laid Plans
I had planned on posting this last week, but I didn’t get to it. So goes my life these days. The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray. Despite the fact that this is actually a misquote from a Robert Burns poem, truer words have never been…
Pee on the Seat and Other Bathroom Issues That Plague Me
Toilet paper should hang over the roll, urine should be cleaned up and toilet lids should be closed. Simple rules, right? I taught my boys during the potty training process that lifting the seat before and putting it back down afterwards was part of the urinating “routine.” Just like the “shake…
Why I Hate Pajama Day at School
Yesterday, it happened. We were only on the 11th day of the new school year when my most despised day of the year popped up already … pajama day. My nemesis. You’d think I had some sort of traumatic childhood experience that makes me dislike public wearing of sleepwear, but I didn’t. I…
Back to School, Week #2: Reality Check
Last week, I wrote about the most wonderful time of the year … the start of a new school year. I love routines and schedules, and of course getting my life and house back. I get sh*t done when school’s in session! But not everyone agrees with me. That’s okay, I respect that. My guess…
Sharing is Caring … But Not For Some
Warning: I’m getting on my soapbox. Proceed with caution … I’m pretty opinionated when it comes to the behavior of children. I firmly and wholeheartedly believe that children need to be taught proper manners early on. Rude, selfish and/or mean children make me cringe (and in some cases, make me angry). As…
Back to School: It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
I have a confession to make. I am not and never have been one of those sentimental moms who cries on the first day of school (which is odd, because I’m a very emotional person). I didn’t sob when my kids went off to preschool for the first time or get…
Down and Dirty in PA
Five miles of hilly terrain. Seven newly acquainted teammates. Twelve unknown, muddy obstacles. Hundreds of face-painted women dressed in matching outfits. This does not describe my usual Saturday afternoon. This is not my comfort zone. I am not generally one to do something wild. New experiences make me uneasy. The unknown…
All in the Framily
If you watch TV at all, you’ve no doubt seen one of the many Sprint Framily Plan commercials. A bit odd, yes, but Sprint really got it right with its “Framily” concept … close friends + family = framily. My husband and I are both lucky enough to each have great…
Riding the Style Waves
They say to pick your battles with your children … Good behavior, proper manners, healthy habits, strong work ethics … this is where I put my energy. Clothing? Not really. As long as everyone is wearing pants when they leave the house, I’m good. Yes, if it’s really cold I…
Hard of Hearing or Hardly Listening?
I keep threatening to take my boys to the doctor to have their hearing checked. They don’t seem to hear me when I tell them to shut off their iPads, clean their rooms or get ready for bed. Unfortunately, this is an empty threat and they know it because we all know what’s…
The Sweet Taste of Freedom
Sleep-away camp. Growing up on Long Island, I knew many kids who spent their summers living in a rustic cabin with a group of other kids (many also from Long Island, or at least New York or New Jersey), having what I imagined was the time of their lives. No…
To Make a Long Story Short …
I fear that I may have passed a bad gene down to my kids. No, not my thick thighs, stubborn streak or lack of rhythm … although both do have a wicked willfulness at times. I’m talking about my poor storytelling skills. Storytelling is an art. It’s detailed and succinct at the same time. It’s informative and entertaining…
Death By Laundry
I’m no stranger to the laundry room. Second only to the kitchen, it’s where I spend most of my time when home because of the seemingly bottomless pile of dirty, smelly clothes in our house. And before you get all jealous and think laundry room is actually code speak for something way more fabulous, like…
Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be A**holes
Back in the ’70s, Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson warned moms not to let their boys grow up to be cowboys. Today, I think the bigger challenge is not letting our kids grow up to be rude and arrogant a**holes. I’ll take a cowboy any day. Raising kids is tough. They say parenting boys…
School’s Out For Summer … Hurry Up! You’re Going To Be Late For Camp
“No more pencils, no more books. No more teacher’s dirty looks.” Does anyone else remember singing that ditty at the end of the school year? Not the heavy metal, Alice Cooper version. Just the sing-song, nursery-rhyme-like kids’ version. No? Maybe it was a Long Island thing. Anyway … Monday was our…
Eleven: The In-Between Year
A few days ago, my first-born turned 11 years old without much fanfare. Unlike his first birthday 10 years ago, there was no elaborate celebration, no oversized cake, no massive pile of gifts and certainly no fuzzy red monster or balloon-making clown to entertain his friends. Nope. We ushered in…
Having a Penis Makes You Blind
I live in a male-dominated house, so a few things are all but guaranteed: In at least one bathroom, the toilet seat is up and there is still pee in the bowl (Yes, I know this is gross. Despite having taught the boys during potty training to put the seat…
My “Dying” Truth
I’m about to lay down some truth, so you may want to sit down. I’m not a natural brunette … at least not my current shade of chocolate brown with caramel and butterscotch highlights. I wish! (By the way, who else is now hungry after that color description?) I dye my hair. Well, actually, I don’t dye it. I…
This Morning, I Got It Right
Parenting is difficult. There’s no instruction guide or manual to follow (despite what you can find in the Parenting section of Barnes & Noble or Amazon.com). Much of the time, I don’t feel like I get it right … But not this morning. This morning, I got it right. Despite the fact that…
The Tenets of An Elementary School Concert
Yesterday was my second grader’s spring music concert. As usual, it was sweet and sour for me. Sweet because the music teacher was enthusiastic, the parents were proud and the kids (for the most part) were excited. Sour because, apart from being scheduled during a very busy time of the year for most of…
I Survived Spring Break, Part IV: The Long Road Trip Home
The road trip home after a week of complete family togetherness was, in a word, trying. Maybe it was the weather (rainy). Maybe it was the traffic (heavy). Maybe it was the holiday (Easter weekend). Maybe it was just that we were sick of being with each other and everyone was tired, grouchy and short-tempered. Or maybe it…
I Survived Spring Break, Part III: A Week of Total Family Togetherness
We made it! After a tumultuous pre-vacation week and a traffic-logged travel day, we had finally arrived at our resort condo, ready to start enjoying our vacation. With Lenten promises all but broken, we were ready to overindulge and enjoy ourselves. But could we survive a full week of 24/7 family togetherness? Honesty, I…
I Survived Spring Break, Part II: The Road Trip
Who needs “I Spy” and the license plate game when you have modern technology? I may not have had my act together in the days and hours before we left for vacation, but I was prepared for the car ride. Two fully charged iPads (and power cords), two wireless headphones…
I Survived Spring Break, The Mini-Series: Part I
It’s been a full week since we’ve returned from our Spring Break trip to South Carolina, and already I could use another vacation! Actually, I don’t think I ever really recovered from our time away. Don’t get me wrong — it was wonderful to escape the cold Pennsylvania weather and…
There’s No Crying in Baseball … Or is There?
Tom Hanks was wrong. There is crying in baseball … or at least there was this past Saturday in our house. Both of my boys are very athletic and love sports, but my youngest son is obsessed. He is in a league of his own (get it? Like the title of the movie I’m…
The Tortoise and The Hare
What has four arms, four legs and moves at the speed of light? The Tarr boys. What has four arms, four legs and moves at a snail’s pace? The Tarr boys. It just depends on the situation. On the field, my boys are fast. Often the fastest (or at least…
Stick Skills and Dustpans Required
Grab your sticks and helmets, spring is here! Despite the winter-like temperatures (and residual snow on the ground in some places), spring sports have officially begun. For us, that means juggling youth lacrosse, youth baseball and travel basketball. Never a dull moment with the Tarr boys, or should I say…
The Madness That is March
What do you get when snow continues to fall in March and winter and spring sports collide? March Madness. Today was the start of the NCAA Basketball Championship Tournament, also known as March Madness — a two-week battle wherein 64 of the nation’s top Division I men’s basketball teams compete for the…
How The Grinch Stole St. Patrick’s Day … and Easter, Too!
March 17, 2014 was the year without a leprechaun in our house. This morning, I decided to slow the usual school day pace down a bit because we had yet another 2-hour delay (yes, it snowed again!). Apparently, my boys didn’t get the memo because not only were they awake…
There’s No “i” in Team
Four tickets to a Harlem Globetrotters game: $175. Arena parking: $15. Snacks and souvenirs: $70. Hearing my boys belly-laugh as a player performing a layup is stripped, not just of the ball, but of his uniform: Priceless. Having them learn a valuable life lesson at the same time: Even more…
Talk Dirty to Me
Last Friday, I was stopped in my tracks by three dirty words from my second grader. After the usual morning madness, the boys managed to get outside with a few minutes to spare before the school bus arrived. Tossing their backpacks aside (into the snow of course, getting them all…
Old Dog, New Tricks
Tom Dewey eats hummus … and roasted chickpeas, celery sticks (without a Bloody Mary), and even (gasp!) protein shakes. Who is Tom Dewey and why is this shocking? Or better yet, why should you care? Because it proves that you can teach an old dog new tricks. Tom Dewey is my…
Parenting is Just Like the Winter Olympics
As I watch the 2014 Olympic Winter Games, I can’t help but draw comparisons between those amazing, awe-inspiring events and the mundane, unremarkable routines of a busy mom or parent. I might be reaching here, as my analogies are loose and some are steeped in hyperbole, so take these with a…
“You Don’t Suck!” Be My Valentine
Today is Valentine’s Day — a Hallmark holiday filled with flowers, chocolate and sappy cards. Being a closeted romantic, I usually get into it — making heart-shaped, chocolate chip banana pancakes for breakfast, using all red and pink food for lunch, leaving tiny love notes in coat pockets, lunch boxes…
Resolution Do-Over
January was not a very successful month when it came to my #3 Resolution — to be a better version of myself. Let’s just say that if screaming burned calories, I’d be shopping for smaller pants now. Maybe it was the post-holiday food hangover guilt. Maybe it was the bitter…
The 41-Year Old Virgin
Hello, my name is Lauren and I’m a recovering perfectionist and Type A control freak. Phew! It feels good to get that off my chest! This is my first-ever blog post, so I guess that makes me a 41-year-old virgin. Please be gentle. I used to be a working mom,…