I’m a very emotional person. I’m what the kids today call a sensitive gangster. It’s both a blessing and a curse.
The blessing is that I’m highly sensitive to other people’s feelings and very compassionate. Good traits, in my opinion.
The curse is that it also makes me emotionally reactive. No matter how much meditation, deep breathing, and grass touching I do, I still overreact, irritate easily, and sweat the small stuff (even though I know I shouldn’t).
I could blame my poor attitude on hormones, but being 14-years post-menopausal doesn’t allow me to use that excuse anymore. Irked is just my baseline mood now.
The good news is I’m self-aware enough to know this about myself. I’m also self-aware enough to recognize that my level of annoyance goes into overdrive when I’m overstimulated, over tired, overwhelmed, hungry, stressed, or in an autoimmune flare — all of which I’ve felt these past few weeks.
Since late March, I’ve been splitting my time between PA and NY to help care for my elderly parents after my dad’s accident while also juggling work, home renovations, issues with my almost-grown kids, and a new autoimmune diagnosis. To say it’s been a lot is an understatement.
My near-constant state of overwhelm has me on edge, overreacting to the littlest nuisances, turning molehills into mountains.
To prove my point, here’s a running tally what’s sent me over the edge in just the last five days:
- My earbuds dying mid-workout
- My washing machine breaking
- My trash company not picking up AGAIN
- My contractor not showing up AGAIN
- The construction mess taking over my driveway and backyard
- Getting my car back after service with the seat pulled all the way back and the radio station changed
- Getting Palau instead of Pennsylvania when I typed ‘P’ into the state field of an online form
- Getting my sleeve caught on the doorknob twice in one day
- Having to drive to three grocery stores to find what I needed
- My computer freezing while writing this blog
The thing is, I know none of this is a big deal. I know I’m the problem. But I just can’t seem to help it. I need to curse, scream, and bitch before I can get over it and move on.
While I continue to work on containing my big reactions to life’s little inconveniences (#firstworldproblems), I’ll continue to look for the glimmers each day, too. Because even though the small stuff is what often aggravates me the most, it’s also little things that also bring me the most joy.
—LJDT
