Hi, I’m Lauren and I am a socially anxious introvert. I’m awkward around people, and to make matters worse, my memory sucks and my name recall is horrible.
Unless you’re new around here, you already know this about me from previous posts. I used to drink to ease the anxiety, but since I stopped drinking more than 10-1/2 years ago, now I’m just awkward. As a result, I often avoid crowds, group settings, parties, and pretty much any activity that force me to make small talk with people I don’t know.
Some people think I’m a snob or even antisocial. And while I am highly selective about the people I befriend, I’m not antisocial. The clinical definition of antisocial is a mental health condition characterized by having no empathy or regard for others … That’s not me.
My issue is social anxiety, a mood disorder that may be linked to my sexual trauma/PTSD, autoimmune disease, or MTHFR gene variant. Or it could just be my genetic makeup. Who knows?
Either way, as much as I try to prepare myself for social interactions, my body and mind react irrationally when I’m around large groups of people or even just people I don’t know really well. Even ones I like or think I’ll like if I can get through the awkwardness.
Here’s a typical scenario:
Even before I go to (insert event here), my stomach begins to churn and my heart races. Then, once I’m there, my underarms sweat, my face flushes, and my speech quickens but my mind goes blank. I also get loud. I’m so anxious, overwhelmed, and nervous that I either become mute or completely overshare. Needless to say, it’s awkward for everyone.
To make matters worse, I think I have (undiagnosed) ADD (or it’s just my Hashimoto’s brain fog) because I am easily distracted and tend to tune out sporadically, even if I’m fully invested in the conversation.
Plus, I’m horrible at remembering names. Maybe it’s a middle age thing, or an ADD/Hashimoto’s brain fog thing, but I can forget someone’s name mere seconds after learning it.
While I am still working on conquering the physical manifestations of my anxiety — and the oversharing — I have made progress on the name thing … Sort of.
It’s not that I’ve gotten better at remembering people’s names exactly, it’s just that now I openly admit when I’m blanking. After all, most of the people I’m speaking to are middle-aged like me and their memories suck, too, so they get it.
I’m pretty sure that’s why the MIDD lax parents created the parent credentials. It’s genius, really.
Basically, the credential is an oversized name tag with your son’s name, jersey number, and roster photo on one side, and a game schedule on the other. The second tag that hangs behind the first is the player roster — with a column for parents’ names. The best part (apart from the large, bold font used for our names — a blessing for those of us with old eyes) is that every parent gets one and everybody actually wears them.
So while the name tags help with my awkwardness around remembering names (at least in the college lacrosse setting), I’m still searching for a cure for the rest of my social anxiety issues so I can start enjoying those pregame tailgates more. MIDD parents really do take tailgating to a whole other level.
— LJDT
Love name tags always have brain fog too.