Chasing The Perfect Christmas

Christmas is less than a week away and I am, once again, not ready. Not only have I not decorated and don’t plan to — although I did feel a bang of nostalgia a few nights ago and thought about it, but then quickly remembered how resentful I get dragging all the boxes out by myself and even more resentful packing it all up again, so I squashed that idea — I also don’t have gifts for everyone on my list yet. Can you feel my stress and anxiety?

But, if I’m being honest, other than the gift-giving aspect of Christmas, I’m actually at peace with my current low-bar holiday state-of-mind. I’m no longer chasing the “perfect” Hallmark Christmas. No big sparkly tree. No coiffed family photo Christmas cards. No days preparing a fancy meal that no one even enjoys. Christmas with the Tarrs is finally “perfect” in the most unperfect way.

But it wasn’t always that way.

Back when my boys were young, I went all out with decorations and gifts and traditions. After all, it’s what my parents did for me. They were my example. They bent over backwards to make Christmas magical every year, so I did the same for my kids.

We did it all: Cut down our own tree, listened to carols while we decorated, had breakfast with Santa, toured the neighborhood and city to see the light shows, visited the Rockefeller tree (the ‘real’ Christmas tree), ice skated under the stars, wrote letters to Santa, watched all the holiday specials, sprinkled reindeer dust on the lawn, left cookies and milk for Santa and carrots for the reindeer, and on and on and on.

As the boys got older, and I got older, we let all of that go. Some traditions lasted longer than others, and today, only one remains: Matching Christmas pajamas, at the boys’ request (although they’re usually not Christmas-themed anymore. Case in point: This year, they’re getting Philadelphia Eagles onesies — don’t tell them!).

Today, with a 20-year-old and a 17-year-old, Christmas looks very different. After the COVID isolation, we started something new and it’s become kind of a tradition now. Our celebration now consists of a low-key brunch with my parents at my sister’s house, followed by a series of fun, silly games with the cousins (in total, we have five high school and college-aged boys) that inspires a whole lot of laughter and good-natured trash-talking. The vibe is easy and fun … In other words, “perfect”.

A side bonus to this low-key holiday format is that the games idea solves most of my gift-giving problems and anxiety. The boys just want (beer/gas) money, so rather than watch them open up envelopes with gift cards (which is boring and takes all of five minutes), they ‘compete’ for cash prizes and a few gag gifts to keep them guessing. It’s a hoot!

So for anyone reading this who’s stressed over making the holidays “perfect,” I invite you to follow my lead and lower the bar until it makes the day a lot less stressful and you a lot more joyful. My bar is basically on the floor these days, and I couldn’t be happier.

However you celebrate (and even if you already celebrated Hanukkah or any other festive seasonal holiday), I hope it’s perfect for you.

— LJDT