Don’t Be a D*ck

Our (unofficial) family motto is “Don’t be a d*ck.”

If I was a different kind of mom, our family motto would be “Be kind,” but that’s not how I roll. I think “Don’t be a d*ck” is better because it has more bite. It’s crass, but memorable, and therefore more powerful. And it seems to work for my boys. Mostly, at least.

I know, I know … It’s crude. My mother hates when I say it; she’s probably cringing right now as she reads this (sorry, Mom). But I really think it’s the crassness that makes it so impactful. This phrase lives in my boys’ heads and, for the most part, keeps them in check. Sure, they still have their moments, but overall, they are kind, respectful, and polite young men. Especially as it relates to how they treat girls and young women.

Unfortunately, some girls we know didn’t get this message. Mean girls still exist.

I’m all for raising strong, confident, young women who speak up for themselves and set boundaries, but kindness still matters. Especially when meanness is unwarranted.

Case in point: One of my younger son’s friends had a crush on a girl who, apparently, was well aware of her physical attractiveness. He texted her, like 17-year-old boys do, to tell her he liked her. He complimented her and told her he thought she was pretty. Then he asked her out (over text, of course).

All pretty typical teenage behavior.

Her response? She left him on unread, but put him on blast around school. She screenshotted his texts and sent them around with disparaging comments about the boy. She humiliated him, unfairly and unnecessarily.

Kids can be d*cks. Yes, even girls. And no one likes a d*ck.

I wish my son’s friend was confident enough in his own self-worth to text the girl again, telling her he did like her for her looks, but her ugly personality changed his mind so he’s no longer interested but wishes her well. Maybe that would have given her pause and a chance for some much-needed self-reflection. Or maybe not. Mean girls often go unchecked, and many grow up to be mean/snobby/entitled women. I could name a few, but I’m not a d*ck.

High school is hard enough. The world is hard enough. Teach your kids to not be d*cks — or if you prefer the gentler approach, just tell them to be kind. Either way, the message is still the same.

— LJDT