I love watching my boys play the sports they love. For my college sophomore, that’s lacrosse. For my high school junior, it’s football. They thrive off the camaraderie of a team and the competition of the game. They are 100% all in — especially my 16-year-old with his “signature look,” which this year includes yellow cleats and gloves, white calf sleeves, and a tucked-under jersey. It makes my heart happy to see them so happy and dedicated.
As much as I love to see them play, it’s more complicated than that for me.
This year, my youngest is playing on the Varsity football team. That means Friday Night Lights, which means I have to go out. At night. In public. With other people.
This is problematic for a number of reasons:
First, I’m an introvert. I’m easily drained by large groups and prefer to be alone, plus I’m awkward with small talk. I’m particularly awkward when speaking with a parent whose kid didn’t get in or didn’t play well (especially if mine did). There are only so many times you can say, “What a great game!” or, “That was a tough one!” before it sounds trite.
I also have social anxiety. My body physically reacts (poorly) to crowds and loud noises, two things that are synonymous with high school football games and Friday Night Lights. I sweat, my stomach aches, and my head often hurts, all of which make me a little bitchy (bitchier than usual). People are often surprised when I tell them I have anxiety. I guess I’m a good faker.
Then there’s the fact that I’m cursed with a small bladder and a big ass.
My small bladder means that I have to pee. Every quarter. Urgently. As soon as I stand, it’s like the flood gates are opening, forcing me to race walk to the nearest restroom with my cheeks clenched. It’s not pretty, nor very discreet, and those bathrooms are always so damn far away. Why? WHY?
My big ass means that I’m very uncomfortable on those hard, steel bleachers. My bum literally cramps up every Friday night. Plus, they’re scorching hot in September, wet and slippery in October, and freezing cold in November. Can we crowdfund for a dome with temperature regulation next year? Or at least give out seat cushions? [Note to the team mom: This is a great idea for the spirit wear sales team.]
Lastly, the game times … Friday Night Lights starts at 7PM. As someone who’s often running “a few minutes late,” getting there before kickoff is disturbingly challenging and anxiety-inducing. But more troubling is how late the games go. I’m usually asleep by 10PM, so these 9:30 end times are cutting into my beauty sleep. How about we shorten up those post-game pep talks, okay, Coach?
But here’s the thing: With all my bitching, I really do enjoy seeing my kids play. We road tripped to as many lacrosse games as we could this past spring, and now we’re cheering on our youngest as he plays Varsity football. The things we do for our kids.
For my youngest, playing Varsity football this year is a really big deal. He’s always loved football, but he preferred flag to tackle when the time came to switch. Hitting wasn’t for him. Neither was getting hit. I miss those flag football days. I loved watching him run; it was a lot less nerve-racking.
But the kid I’m watching now, who’s a starting wide receiver and safety and playing against some HUGE guys, has not only grown in size, but in confidence — and that’s exciting to see. So is seeing him succeed. He had a big game last week and I can’t wait to see what he does next. [MOM BRAG ALERT: My kid (yellow cleats) scored a touchdown, had a bunch of tackles, and almost had an interception.]
O’s confidence and excitement must be contagious because it makes me want to push through my anxiety and make it to all his games — even if it means staying out past my bedtime.
So if you’re looking for me on a Friday night for the next two months, I’ll be under the lights, cheering on my boy, doing my best to avoid other parents and not wet my pants.
-LJDT
