I have a confession to make …
I am not good with names. I forget them as soon as I learn them. It’s not that I’m not listening — although to be fair, sometimes I’m not — it’s just that I cannot seem to retain new information they way I used to. In the past, I’d hide this fact with clever generic greetings and salutations, but not any more. Now, I own that shit. I own it like a boss. When I meet a new person, if her (or his) name doesn’t stick, I make a point of asking again before we part ways. I’m not shy about it, either. I simply tell her that I’m horrible with names and ask her to tell me again. And you know what? Most of the time, the other person is relieved and admits to not remembering my name either. Who knew?! Honesty really is the best policy.
But I’m a little less honest when I forget the name of someone I already know — especially when I know the person well, or at least I should. Sometimes it’s because it’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other. Sometimes it’s because I’m seeing the person out of context (e.g., dressed up in a restaurant instead of makeup-free at the gym). But sometimes it’s because I met the person back before my epiphany about coming clean when I forget a name, so her/his name really never stuck the first time. Whatever the circumstances, I’m less than forthcoming in these situations.
Meetings get even trickier when I’m with others and need to make an introduction. So here’s my plea: Help a sista out and know that if I don’t use someone’s name when I introduce her or him, it’s because I forgot it (or never really knew it). Do what my husband and I do: Step in and say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name.” That way, we both learn/re-learn the other person’s name. Win-win, problem solved.
So if you see me at a school event, in Target or just around town and I don’t use your name when I say hello, it’s probably because I forgot it. And if you’re with me and I don’t introduce you to someone else using her (or his) name, it’s also probably because I forgot it (Not that I don’t have manners!). Either way, please don’t take offense. Take pity — and remind me of your name. I promise I’ll do the same in case you forgot mine, too.
For the record, my short-term memory loss isn’t just limited to forgetting names. I regularly forget why I walk into a room, open a drawer or drive to a particular store. Is it mommy brain? Adult ADD? Old age? Who knows? … But I’m sure if you told me, I’d forget anyway.
– LJDT
