I Hate Summer

When I was a kid, my grandma used to tell me I was too young to hate anything. If she heard me say something like, “I hate Brussels sprouts” (which I did as a kid. Side note: I love them now, but only roasted so they don’t taste like ass), she’d reprimand me and say, “You can dislike something immensely, but you’re too young to hate it.”

Now that I’m 50, I think I’m old enough to truly hate some things. And I do. Many things, actually, but I’m going to focus on one for this post … SUMMER.

Don’t hate; hear me out …

I used to love summer. It was my favorite season.

As a kid, summer meant no school and two full months in Massachusetts with cousins, swimming, camping, and staying up late. As a teen, it meant spending hours at the beach with my bestie, blasting our boombox, reading magazines, and gossiping. Even as a young mother, summer meant a more carefree schedule, with long days at the beach club or pool club, followed by takeout dinners and barbecues.

Summer was the best, in part because, as a Pisces, the water calms me, and also because I love being tan. I feel healthier and happier with a little color on my cheeks and tanned arms and legs — and I think it makes me look thinner, too.

But now, I hate summer. Not immensely dislike. Not extremely dislike. HATE. In all caps.

First, there’s the heat and humidity. I find it oppressive. My hair frizzes, my legs swell, my entire body sweats, and I can’t breathe. It makes me feel old, and I don’t like it.

Speaking of sweat, I’m not a girl who glows or glistens. I literally melt. And because I tend to sweat in rather inappropriate areas, it’s not pretty or cute.

But the worst part is the chafing (constantly pulling down your shorts is a close second). IYKYK.

And don’t get me started on Christmas in July. Whose bright idea was this? Christmas in December is already too much. I don’t need that kind of added stress in my life.

I still love being tan, but I’m too restless to sit still. “Flipping” to achieve even color takes too much work (and these days, my back side is not my good side), and trying to read a book or magazine now requires reading glasses, which are rather ineffective in the bright sun.

I still love the beach, but now it has to be quiet and empty for me to enjoy it. As a Pisces, the water calms me, but the noise and the people don’t. My anxiety kicks in and the experience is ruined.

Did I mention the heat and humidity?

Bottom line: I REALLY don’t like to be hot, sticky, sweaty, or chafed. It makes me mean, and I’m already mean enough according to my family.

I know there are many of you out there who still love summer, but you’re also probably the people who have fabulous beach houses or take fantastic vacations to make it all bearable. That’s not me, unfortunately. I’m at home with the contractors, working around the dust and noise. But at least I have central air conditioning. Now if only I could figure out how to get the mail without having to go outside …

Only two more months until autumn — the real season star, IMO.

-LJDT