I Used To Be Fun, Now I’m Just Tired

Of all the words that could be used to describe me, “fun” is not one of them.

Back in the day, I was a lot of fun. I don’t remember many of the details. Most of my memories from college and the years that followed are a bit hazy, which is probably proof enough that I was always down for a good time. (Sorry, Mom and Dad.)

Even in my 30s, after I became a parent, I still enjoyed a good night out. I often drank too much, but I was never as wild and crazy as the parents I talked about in my 2016 post, who were having drug-fueled sex parties while their kids were away at summer camp (if you missed it, read it here). My kind of fun was the normal kind — lots of laughing, too much alcohol, and the occasional bar top dancing or bull riding. Again, not coke and molly fun, but still more fun than I am now.

Now, I’m just tired. Sober, old, and tired.

Case in point: My boys decided to visit their grandparents in NY this past weekend (yes, it was their idea) and the hubs and I spent our alone time purchasing new outdoor sconces, reorganizing the laundry room (we just had new cabinets installed, and yes, that excites me), and watching a movie on the couch.

Not exactly the late night party scene of our past. We are too tired for that shit now.

The funny thing is, the phrase “You used to be fun” was once an insult. Back when I was 21, my college roommate’s mom hurled those words at her — through a megaphone, no less — during a parents weekend tailgate. At 21, being told you’re not fun by someone who is 30 years your senior is harsh. At 50, it’s probably true. I know it is for me, and I’m not mad at it. I am not fun anymore, and I wear that shit like a badge of honor now.

If you read this blog regularly, then you know that I stopped drinking almost 10 years ago, which often draws attention to me (which I don’t enjoy). You also know that I have social anxiety (among other things), so crowds are not my thing. Add in my chronic fatigue, digestive issues, and general crankiness, and you can see why I prefer to just stay home.

But like most people, I do like being invited to things … Just don’t get your hopes up that I’ll come.

-LJDT