With all the Winter Olympic coverage in my social feed, I’ve started thinking about what I’d medal in if my life was scored like the Olympics.
Here’s what I came up with (in no particular order):
- Master dishwasher loading
- Leaving laundry in the dryer for the most amount of time
- Dropping the most F bombs in a day/month/year
- Creative bed-making (my nemesis)
- Drinking the most water
- Peeing the most times in one day (see above)
- Bitching
- Overthinking
- Overreacting
- Closing my Apple Watch rings (my version of the Olympic rings)
- Sending the most memes to family and friends
- Killing houseplants with record speed
- Forgetting names as soon as I learn them
- Forgetting why I walked into a room (or where I placed my glasses, phone, etc.)
- Forgetting details about a (audio)book as soon as I finish reading/listening
I’m pretty sure I’d win the gold in each of these — or at least the silver.
I was curious what other women my age would say they’d medal in, so I crowdsourced and got the following responses:
- Fastest to overheat (hello, hot flashes)
- Fastest to hurt themselves exercising
- Fastest to flip from happy to enraged (same girl, same)
- Most likely to say ‘what’ (midlife hearing loss is real)
- Most emotional
- First to fall asleep
- Most nocturnal trips to the bathroom (I’m good for at least 2 per night)
- Longest chin hair
- Driest vagina
Thanks, ladies, for participating. It’s nice to see I’m not alone in the midlife Olympics.
Like some of you, I’d definitely make the podium for ‘most likely to say what’ and ‘fastest to flip from happy to enraged’. I will, however, refrain from commenting on the chin hair and vagina categories.
Clearly, my survey and this subsequent post were all in good fun. Real Olympians deserve our respect. And I do respect them. I just don’t strive to be them. I know when to stay in my own lane.
I may not be able to complete a quadruple axel or a switch triple cork 1980, but I am crushing it in other categories — like dropping F bombs, killing houseplants, and rerunning the dryer multiple times to avoid folding the laundry. In these events, I am the reigning champ.
I’m also a winner at surviving midlife with humor and sass — and that alone is worth its weight in gold.
—LJDT
