Based on the title, you’re probably expecting this post to be about my husband, kids, or mother. Be honest, that’s what you were thinking. And while it’s true, each of them can be a figurative pain in my ass at times, this post is about a literal pain in my ass.
Two pains in my ass, to be precise.
The first is my coccyx.
Fun fact about me: My tailbone is slightly longer than average. No, I don’t have a tail. It doesn’t stick out visibly. But it can be a problem, particular now that I’ve lost all that toxic mold weight. I’ve never had a small tush, but there’s definitely less cushion for the pushin’ now that I’m leaner, so it hurts to sit down. Especially on hard chairs.
I researched how this condition is remedied, and it requires either surgery or manual manipulation. Based on the video I watched detailing the procedure, it’s a no for me, dog; I’ll live with it.
I also have hemorrhoids.
I’m 52 and, thanks to menopause, this is now my reality. Again, I did my research: Hormonal changes and weakened tissue around the anus make hemorrhoids more common during this stage of life … As if the hot flashes, mood swings, and vaginal dryness weren’t enough.
I think I’m supposed to be embarrassed to admit either of these conditions, but I’m not. In fact, the only one who’s embarrassed is my 21-year-old son. He mistakenly asked me if I needed anything from the pharmacy last week and I told him to buy me hemorrhoid cream. He was mortified. It didn’t help that the cashier gave him the side eye.
It almost makes my ass pain worth it.
— LJDT
