The 2024 Summer Olympics are finally over. Yes, I said it. Finally.
Despite all the amazing achievements and feel-good stories (plus the great memes), it was a little long for me. I blame my diminishing attention span and constant state of overwhelm these past two weeks.
S, on the other hand, devoured the Olympics, as he does all sports. And unsurprisingly, his live reactions to many of the performances were award-winning.
Joking that S deserved a gold medal for outstanding home support and cheering the loudest from the couch got me thinking about what I would medal in if my life were like the Olympics. Here’s what I came up with (in no particular order):
- Master dishwasher loading
- Leaving laundry in the dryer for the most amount of time
- Dropping the most F bombs in a day/month/year
- Creative bedmaking (my nemesis)
- Eating my weight in zucchini on a weekly basis
- Bitching
- Overthinking
- Overreacting
- Killing houseplants with record speed
- Forgetting why I walked into a room (or where I placed my glasses, phone, …)
- Peeing (frequency, not volume)
I think I’d also make the podium for these, although not always at the top:
- Number of autoimmune diseases, mental/physical health conditions, and wild illnesses (Back-to-back mercury poisoning and toxic mold should earn me at least the bronze)
- Number of audiobooks listened to weekly (gold for the speed with which I can forget the details of any given story)
- Amount of money spent on incontinence products (see list above)
- Frequency of freak-outs and anxiety attacks
- How quickly I can forget someone’s name
I do also have a pretty impressive 191-week Peloton streak going, but I was late to the party on this one and I’m sure the O.G.s have longer streaks.
Admittedly, I’m far from an Olympic athlete, but I am a pro at surviving midlife with my humor intact—and that’s worth its weight in gold.
—LJDT
