Sometimes It Really Is Black And White (Not Gray)

My blog has always been something of a public diary for me, providing a creative outlet to express myself and connect with others. It’s also been a fun place to provide a bit of humor and sass about everyday experiences that we as parents, and women in particular, endure on the regular. But sometimes the stuff we encounter isn’t comical. A “black joke” — especially one told at my son’s expense — just isn’t funny; It’s racist. And yes, it’s as simple, and as black and white, as that.

I realize that comedy is subjective; What’s funny to some is not funny to others. But perpetuating stereotypes and making a joke out of horrific historical events isn’t amusing or entertaining; It’s insensitive at best, but more aptly it’s degrading, offensive and just plain wrong. This isn’t a matter of political correctness, liberalism or “being too sensitive.” This is a matter of morality, rectitude and acceptance.

A little background for my soapbox rant:

For those who do not know, I am white, my husband is black and our kids are, consequently, bi-racial. They are considered light-skinned by African-American standards and dark-skinned by Caucasian standards. We live in a predominately white community where the majority of minorities are Asian or Hispanic — not African-American.

Unfortunately, my husband has experienced his fair share of racism and prejudice, and as a couple, we have encountered a decent amount of ignorance as well. But now that our children are the targets of this disgusting behavior, it’s more difficult to remain silent and turn the other cheek. Two years ago, when my youngest son was in the fifth grade — fifth grade! — a kid on his bus told him that black people buy Kentucky Fried Chicken for Thanksgiving dinner because they’re too lazy to cook and because black people like fried chicken … Umm, WTF?! Again, fifth grade! Last year, my older son (at the time, a high school freshman), was subject to a similar comment made by a classmate, and he has been called “boy” (and worse!) by more than one trash-talking opponent on both the football and lacrosse fields. Then most recently, a boy on my younger son’s seventh grade middle school basketball team announced that the black kid (of which there is only one — my son) should go to the back of the line during a water break because the water fountain was for white kids. We were told the kid was trying to be funny and impress the eight graders who were nearby, but again — WTF?! In what world is this funny? In what world is this acceptable? To make matters worse, when I approached the parent of this future comedian, I was met with an unflinching response that didn’t represent the shame, embarrassment or remorse that I would have felt had someone informed me of my child making such a horrific statement. Instead, I was told that my son has, in the past, made reference to being half black and half white (which is factually accurate), implying that this somehow gave his son license to say what he said. The father also informed me that he “played basketball with black guys, so [he] believe[s] in diversity.” Okay, good to know, but that is neither an explanation, nor defense — and it’s certainly not an apology. Rather, it’s a pathetic excuse and a lame attempt to hide his own ignorance, prejudice and apparent poor influence over his kid.

Honestly, I was angrier after speaking to the parent than I was after I initially heard what was said to my kid. Racism and prejudice aren’t innate; Bigotry is taught. I’d like to think that this 12-year-old’s remarks were misplaced and ignorant rather than malicious and intentional, but who knows? All I know is that this was yet another sad, learning experience for my son, and probably a missed teachable moment for his teammate. I just hope I am wrong.

-LJDT

P.S. I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that two eighth grade boys came to my son’s defense and spoke out in protest. Bravo to them and the adults who are raising them with pure values and true integrity. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!