Summer Break: College Edition

Here’s a riddle for you: How can you tell college kids are home for the summer?

Answer: There’s a mountain of blue IKEA bags piled up in the garage, your grocery bill has doubled, their bedroom doors are always closed, and all the cups, bowls, and utensils are missing again.

Earlier this week, I drove down to Virginia to pack up my youngest after he took his last final, signaling the end of his freshman year. I was prepared to walk into a total sh*tshow, with nothing packed and him grouchy and hungover from a late night out. This has been my experience with his older brother each year I’ve picked him up, so my expectations were low.

To my surprise, O was about 90% packed! His room was a horrible mess — and it smelled like dirty underwear and stale beer — but most of the work was done. It took us about 45 minutes to pack what was left, throw out a few things, load the car, and sweep.

Not bad for a first-timer.

It did, however, take another 40 minutes for him to turn in his room key and say all his goodbyes. Still, we were on the road in just under an hour and a half from when I arrived. That might be a Tarr record.

This is O’s first summer break as a college student, but it’s not my first rodeo. During the car ride home, I set some ground rules for the months ahead — like how long his crap can stay in the garage before I lose my sh*t.

For those who haven’t done this before, having college kids home for the summer isn’t the same as when they’re home for Thanksgiving or Christmas break. It’s different. Very different. Three months is a long time. By the time they go back to school, their departure will be a welcomed event for them and you. Mark my words.

The good news is, I’ve done this before (6 times, in fact), so you can benefit from my wisdom — which I will now share with you, free of charge. You’re welcome.

Nobody asked, but here are my tried-and-true strategies for surviving the next 3 months with college kids home for the summer:

• Set the mood. I like to let them know I’m excited they’re home by stocking the fridge with their favorites and cooking (or ordering in) something special. It gets things off on the right foot. Plus, by showing them how much I love and miss them through these acts of service, I’m hoping they feel guilty and will think twice before leaving wet towels on the floor, dirty dishes in the sink, or committing some other annoying offense that will surely piss me off. (Yes, I’m not above employing guilt tactics.)

• Set expectations. Before they come home — or at least early on once they’re settled — I remind them of the house rules. I’ll undoubtedly have to repeat myself more than once and they’ll most likely push back somewhere along the way, but eventually they’ll get it. [SIDE NOTE: If you want to save your voice, consider making a giant poster board of the rules you can point to over and over again. I’m not crafty enough to do this, but maybe you are.]

• Loosen the reigns. I’m no fool. The boys who left 9 months ago are not the same boys who are coming home. They’re more independent and hopefully more mature, so I adjust some house rules to match their new maturity level — like later curfews or sleeping out. It’s less about granting permission and more about mutual respect.

• Check yourself. I have high standards and have learned to lower the bar to save myself from months of frustration and disappointment. My boys basically live in squalor at school, with piles of dirty clothes and food wrappers all around them. While I won’t accept their level of nastines in my home, I do try to keep my bitching about minor offenses (like cups left on counters and toilet lids left open) to a minimum, for everyone’s sake — with ‘try’ being the operative word in that sentence.

• Give yourself space. If you’re like me, all the mess and noise that comes with having college kids home can be overwhelming at times. While they’re home, I stick to my self-care schedule of a morning workout and walk, afternoon writing, and an hour of bad reality TV or TikTok scrolling at night. It keeps me sane and makes me less bitchy. #selfcareisntselfish

Look, it’s inevitable that your college kid(s) will piss you off at some point in the next few weeks. They’ll sleep all day, steal your phone charger, leave a mess everywhere they go, and maybe even give you an attitude when you dare to say no to staying out all night or using the family car for a last minute road trip with friends.

But they’ll also surprise you with the best hugs, clever jokes, and interesting tidbits they learned in class. You’ll be amazed at their growth, and hopefully even proud of the people they are becoming.

So soak it all in — the good and the bad — because soon enough, they’ll be back at school and you’ll miss them … Even if you don’t miss their mess.

— LJDT