Am I the only one who’s not ready for another holiday? Or the kids coming home from college? Wasn’t Thanksgiving, like, yesterday? And weren’t the kids just here a minute ago?
It’s all happening too quickly—and all at once. Needless to say, I’m not handling it well.
I blame my parents—for two reasons:
First, they set the bar impossibly high. They lovingly overdecorated, overgifted, and overspent every year. It was a lot, but it was also magical. I mean, I had an indoor carousel when I was a toddler!
I, on the other hand, have completely failed my parents in this department.
I used to do all the things. When the boys were younger. When I was younger. Now, I don’t do any of it. I don’t hang lights or buy a tree. I don’t send cards or bake cookies. And I definitely don’t do holiday parties. (Thank g*d I’m a freelancer. Office parties are the worst!)
I am unabashedly the queen of low-key holidays and celebrations.
We’ve also scaled back tremendously on the gift-giving. We don’t exchange with our extended family anymore. Instead, we play games for cash and prizes—which I still need to buy. And yes, that is stressing me out.
With my holiday bar set so low (I mean, it’s basically on the ground these days), you’d think I’d be totally calm and collected …
But I’m not.
Especially not this year, which leads me to the second reason I blame my parents for my rising anxiety: They’re moving. Next week. Just days before Christmas.
Not exactly the best timing (for me, that is).
Next week, I’m also juggling work deadlines, a full-day drive to pick up one of my boys, and a minor surgery.
So on top of the anxiety I feel about the surgery and the stress around getting everything else done (including buying those game prizes), I also feel guilty for not being there to help my parents pack. Although, in my defense, I’ve tried. Many times. (I even wrote a few posts about it, like this one.)
Amid all this anxiety and overwhelm, I’m really trying to find the joy in the season. I may not decorate a tree or hang lights outside anymore, but I do still love to drive around and see other people’s displays. And like Melissa (whoever she is), overhearing someone’s gift-giving meltdown is also one of my favorite holiday traditions. Is that wrong?
I’m pretty sure I’ll have my own meltdown at some point in the next two weeks. It’s par for the course when my holiday anxiety is on display. But I also know the lead up is the worst part.
On Christmas Day, I’ll be fine. We’ll drive to NY to spend the day at my sister’s. We’ll wear sweats, play games, and have a casual meal. We’ll also laugh a lot because that’s the Dewey way.
Then I’ll wonder what made me so anxious in the first place.
If you’re like me, overwhelmed by all the things, remember to breathe through it. And try to find your joy, whether it’s the lights, the decorations, or someone’s public overreaction. Whatever gets you through the holidays. No judgment here.
—LJDT
