Last month, I suffered through the indignity of a pap smear. This month, it was a mammogram. Being a woman is hard.
I know, I know. Mammograms save lives. Early detection is key. I get this. I know this. But with all the great technological advances we’ve seen in just the past decade, why is the mammogram machine still so horrible?
It’s a literal torture devise.
I know my ladies know. Don’t believe me? Name one woman who looks forward to her annual squeeze. Go on, I’ll wait …
In the meantime, for my male readers (yes, there are some) — unless your wife, girlfriend, sister, mother, daughter, or an oversharing coworker has already explained the mammogram procedure to you — allow me. Or better yet, watch these videos to get an idea the torment we go women go through.
Pretty accurate, right ladies?
While I can’t relate to the sagging boobs joke or the balloon squeeze visual, I hear from big-breasted girlies that it’s spot on.
For me, however, the experience is a little different.
As someone who barely fills an A cup, there’s no ‘cushion’ or overhang for the tech to tug on. It’s less squish-and-mash and more bang-and-pinch. The experience is still brutal and I leave with red blotches on my chest every time.
[For all our sakes, I’m not inserting a photo here. You can use your imagination.]
They say if you want to manifest something, you have to put it into the universe. So I’m putting it out there that it’s time someone invented a gentler machine. That, or we start using it to give men testicular cancer screenings, too. Let’s see how they like it.
On a more serious note, ladies: Regardless of the discomfort, consider this post your PSA to get your girls screened annually. Cancer doesn’t care if your boobs are big or small, and neither does the tech doing the test. Early detection really does save lives.
—LJDT
