It’s 9 days before Thanksgiving. Many of us are busy planning the menu, shopping for supplies, and defrosting the turkey for the big day. But those of us who are college parents know this isn’t the real Thanksgiving prep.
The real Thanksgiving prep is getting ready for our kids’ return home this weekend after three months of living on their own—and trust me, it may not go as smoothly as you’d like.
Living away at college changes kids. They’re forced to grow up—or at least become more independent. And while that’s a good thing, it can create some waves at first when they return to daily family life. The re-entry can be bumpy, but having been down this road before, I’ve learned preparation is key—just as it is for a good Thanksgiving meal.
Back in 2019 when we first lived through this phenomenon, I wrote a blog about how I hoped O’s 10 days home would go and my plan to not lose my shit 10 minutes after he walked in the house, leaving a trail of destruction in his wake. It still holds up, so I decided to summarize my top five tips for those of you who are new to this.
Here it goes:
- Stock the fridge—College kids, especially boys, come home hungry! They often complain about campus dining, so pretty much anything you serve is appreciated. But cut yourself some slack: Ordering in their favorite, like cheesesteaks (because they’re not authentic when you leave the Philly area), works, too.
- Empty the laundry room—If your kids are anything like mine, they probably haven’t been doing much laundry at school and will bring home TONS of it. Be prepared and have your own laundry finished before they take over that space.
- Lay down ground rules—Remember, they’re used to living in their own squalor in the dorms. Remind them before they come home of whatever you consider to be the most important house rules, but tweak things like curfews to give them more space and freedom. Communication is key here.
- Keep your routines, especially those that ground you—I get anxious when there’s a lot going on around me, especially noise. Knowing this, I try to go into the week a calm as possible. For me, that means exercising daily and practicing breath work. My advice here is to keep the routines that keep you sane—even while the kids (and others) are home.
- Lower your expectations—I tend to have grand expectations and get frustrated when they’re not met. I know this about myself. The only way to avoid this is to lower my expectations. Do I want them to join us for dinner every night? Yes, but I know some nights they’ll have plans with friends. Do I want them to get up at a reasonable time and not just hang around, making a mess for me to clean up? Also yes, but I know it’s not realistic. They will sleep in late. They will make a mess. They will get on my nerves at some point … and I’m ready for it.
Hopefully, my tips help all you newbies get through this first big re-entry. Knowing what to expect is half the battle, and having a (flexible) plan is the other half. Remember, it’s only a week (and less for some). Cherish the limited time you have while they kids are home, and remember this: you don’t have to be thankful for every minute—everyone’s kids suck sometimes.
—LJDT
