This Morning, I Got It Right

Parenting is difficult.  There’s no instruction guide or manual to follow (despite what you can find in the Parenting section of Barnes & Noble or Amazon.com).  Much of the time, I don’t feel like I get it right … But not this morning.  This morning, I got it right.

Despite the fact that there is only one month left in the school year, our mornings are still frantic and chaotic.  The boys don’t seem to grasp (or want to grasp) the concept that if they don’t leave the house at EXACTLY 7:58 A.M., they will miss the school bus.  I do not enjoy running up the hill to chase down the bus, nor do I like rearranging my schedule at the last minute in order to drive them to school.  I don’t deal well with the morning bullshit, so I push past their pouting faces, whiny voices and grumpy attitudes in order to get everyone out of the house on-time.  Selfish?  Maybe.  Honest?  Brutally.

But not this morning.  This morning, I got it right.

My youngest was moving particularly slow, moaning and groaning as he slowly tied his sneakers and his older brother yelled at him to hurry up.  On a typical morning, I’d have joined in the yelling, making my voice the loudest of all in an attempt to motivate a faster pace and end the whining.  I probably would have even cursed a bit in anger and frustration (Don’t judge!).  Yes, I know this is wrong.  Yes, I know this sets a bad example.  Yes, I know this doesn’t even work … but I do it anyway, to my dismay (I’m working on it).

But not this morning.  This morning, I got it right.

I didn’t yell and I didn’t curse.  Something in my gut told me to slow down … so I did.  I stopped rushing and sat down with my 8-year-old, despite the fact that he’d miss the bus (I did put my oldest on the school bus — no need for them both to be late).  He looked so sad.  We talked quietly and calmly for a few minutes, and eventually he told me that he’s lonely on the bus in the morning (his brother sits with the other 5th graders in the back of the bus — it’s a big deal around here).  He’s very popular, especially with older kids, so this was a complete surprise to me.  But it’s how he felt and I could see how sad he really was.  It broke my heart.

With all the rushing around that I do — that we all do — I often forget to stop and actually see and hear my kids, even if they are kvetching.  Today was a bittersweet reminder of that.  My boys know that I am always there for them, but I need to be better at being there with them, too.

As I’ve said before, I’m a work in progress.  This morning, I got it right.  Fingers crossed this becomes a trend.

– LJDT