Vacation Truths, Thoughts, and Observations

If you read last week’s blog, you know I just came back from a week in Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic. Our first real family vacation in six years. (Yes, you read that correctly … SIX YEARS.)

Because my writer’s brain is always on, I jotted down notes while we were away to use for future blog posts. (I do this all the time.) Problem is, now that I’m home, I’m struggling to find a common thread or cohesive theme to connect all my thoughts and observations.

Maybe it’s because I’m distracted with work or just too tired to think. Either way, I’ve decided I’m just gonna leave it all here for you to read as is.

So here it is, my vacation-influenced stream of consciousness for your reading enjoyment (and in some cases, my embarrassment). Do with it what you will.

The lead-up to vacation is overwhelming for me (and expensive).
Spirit Airlines exceeded my expectations (probably because they were very, very low). It really wasn’t any different than any other airline I’ve flown. (They all suck, IMO.)
My Spanish is very rusty and my accent is trash.
Punta Cana is hot and humid AF.
Ceiling fans are pointless and ineffective here. Who are they kidding?
I’m equally as heat-intolerant as I am cold-intolerant. (Thanks, thyroid disease and menopause.)
Nobody talks about traveler’s constipation, but it’s real. (And frozen piña coladas do not have the laxative effect I was promised they’d have.)
By day 5, I was seriously thinking about drinking the non-potable water at the risk of getting diarrhea just for some relief. (TMI???)
I overpacked, as usual. (Although I did coordinate all my outfits to just three pairs of shoes and one bag, so there’s that.)
I missed the memo about wearing a thong bikini and sheer coverup (I felt a little out of place with my bum covered up).
Service at this all-inclusive was hit or miss. Tipping helped.
People on vacation are either rude or drunk and oblivious. Either way, by the end of the week, I was done.
Other people don’t even try to take a good photo. The two times we asked others to take our picture, we were either blurry or not fully in the shot. Where’s a selfie-stick when you need it?!
I can go a full week with very little access to my phone and social media, which, frankly, surprised me. (Full disclosure: It wasn’t really a choice. My phone kept dying and there were limited compatible outlets to recharge it.)
I love the beach and pool, but the older I get, the more restless I get. The broken phone didn’t help.
I still don’t enjoy ziplining.
Massages in the middle of the ocean are awesome (and more my speed).
Rum and cigar tastings were a big hit with our 18- and 21-year olds.
I’m a gym girlie, through and through — even on vacation (but I need a fan!).
You know you’re at an adults-only resort when there are prunes offered every day at the cheese and fruit buffet. (And no, they didn’t help with the traveler’s constipation, unfortunately).
9:30 is too late (for me, at least) to start the nightly entertainment.
It is fantastic not to have screaming kids and crying babies around. (I said what I said. #sorrynotsorry)
Vacation sex is still a thing in your 50s. (TMI, again??)
All-inclusive adults-only resorts really aren’t for 50-somethings with grown children. This resort catered to the 30-something singles crowd.
Speaking of 30-something singles, they go HARD on vacation.
Day drinking is messy AF, but it’s also good entertainment for us sober folks.
That swim-up pool is 100% an oversized petri dish of bodily fluids; I bet my life on it.
Darties (day parties) and raves are not my scene (but good fun for the boys).
There are two holes in the adults-only, all-inclusive resorts market:
- One for seniors (with earlier nighttime entertainment, golf carts to move around the resort, and full-service meal — no buffet lines).
- One for midlifers and their grown children (with lots of 80s and 90s music, pickleball courts, and also earlier nighttime entertainment).
Dominican mosquitoes are not like American mosquitoes.
Even in a tropical paradise, I’m capable of having a mental breakdown.

So there you have it. My unfiltered thoughts. Don’t judge — I’m just saying the quiet parts aloud. And if anyone has tips for avoiding traveler’s constipation next time, please share! Your girl was miserable, and that’s facts.