Happy New Year!
Yea, yea, I know … You’re probably thinking, “Really, Lauren? It’s already February. Valentine’s Day is next week. Nice of you to show up!” You’re right. I am late to the party again. Not once in the history of this blog have I announced the New Year on time. Oh, well … I’m nothing if not consistent!
When I revamped this site a few months ago, I swore I’d be better at posting more regularly. The goal was weekly. That was the plan. But then the wheels fell off the bus. Shit happened and life got in the way. The overwhelm of the holidays, work commitments, unexpected family issues and health crises, my own autoimmune flare-up combined with a new medical complication, plus a host of other minor, day-to-day time sucks killed my momentum and my mojo. But I’m back on track. Sort of. I hope. Anyway, the point is, I’m here now.
I may have missed Christmas and New Year’s Eve/Day, but since it’s still Chinese New Year until February 8, I’m not wrong to use the above salutation — at least according to my logic. And since I’m hijacking Chinese New Year, but I am neither Chinese nor a lover of rodents, I’m refuting The Year of the Rat and declaring 2020 The Year of the -Ish Girl.
What’s an -ish girl? Frankly, I made it up, but it’s derived from the word ending (or suffix, for all my English majors out there) that indicates vagueness, as in: somewhat, about, or having characteristics or a touch of. It’s also slang for shit, based on what the edited version of the word sounds like in a song when edited for FCC compliance.
As a self-proclaimed -ish girl, I fully own both meanings. When I’m feeling good about myself — killing it at the gym, hitting all my deadlines, reaching my goals, having a great day — I feel great and think to myself, “I am the shit!” But most of the time, when I refer to myself as an -ish girl, it’s because I’m not fully any one thing. I’m some of this, and some of that. In some areas of my life, I’m close. Like 90%. I’m healthy-ish, green-ish, organized-ish, and maternal-ish. But when it comes to personality traits, I’m more 50/50 (thanks to my parents’ gene-combining skills). For example, I’m generous but selfish, compassionate yet judgemental, mindful but anxious, introverted yet revealing, flexible but stubborn, focused yet scattered, determined but frozen, low key yet high maintenance, … I could go on, but I think you get the picture. Basically, I’m a walking oxymoron.
The point is, I’m complicated — and that’s okay. Some days I’m a zen buddha, and other days I’m a raving lunatic. I guess that’s balance. And while I used to berate myself for being this way and not fully committing to or following through with my New Year’s resolutions as a result, I can see now that my personality as an -ish girl doesn’t make me flawed. Instead, it makes me flawsome! There’s greatness in complexity and I own every ounce of mine.
So while everyone else is pledging to hit the gym more, give up carbs, start their own business, or take over the world this year, I’m not making resolutions or picking a “word theme” for the year. Instead, I’m working on my goals while embracing the -ishness of my being and finding balance in the imbalance. Because after all, it’s not about being some social media-defined version of a perfect human. It’s about owning your truth, accepting all aspects of who you are, and being your best, most authentic self without guilt or shame. Are you with me? Let’s make 2020 The Year of the -Ish Girl together!
-LJDT
I’ve been working on this perspective for a couple of years now, and I love that I can put the “ish” , that you described, to it. It’s made life, simpler, better, and keeps me grateful and appreciating all the little “haves” and things each day, as opposed to being stuck in the then, thinking I can structure what’s coming. Keep writing. I love reading.