51 Is The New 50

Last year, I turned 50 and it was anything but fabulous.

Everyone makes a big deal about turning 50, but I hated it. Not because of the number, but because of how I felt and how I looked. I was sick, fat, weak, and depressed. The last thing I wanted to do was celebrate. To say I was struggling is an understatement — even though that’s exactly how I described it in one of my most vulnerable posts ever, which you can reread here to better understand.

It took two years and hundreds of thousands of dollars to find and fix the problem: toxic mold (you can reread that post here). And now that the mold is gone and I’m finally getting my groove back, I can honestly say that 50 may have sucked (and 49, too), but 51 is where it’s at.

Okay, okay. It’s a bold statement to make after only 24 hours (my 51st birthday was yesterday), but trust me … 51 is the new 50.

Why? Because I said so and mindset is everything.

If these past two years have taught me anything, it’s that I am a fighter. I may get knocked down, but I will always get up. I will cry and bitch and probably throw myself a pretty big pity party at times, but I won’t give up on myself.

Maybe it’s because I’m a PTSD/sexual abuse survivor. Or maybe it’s because I’m an autoimmune warrior. Or maybe it’s just because I’m a stubborn bitch. Whatever the reason, I know one thing for sure: I’m worth fighting for. I am and will always be a badass motherf*cker — with issues, but still a BAMF nonetheless.

They say the comeback is always better than the setback, so I’ve decided that 51 is the new 50. This is my do-over year. I’m in control and I’m not backing down, so happy birthday to me!

–LJDT