I guess I could have used this title in 2020 when COVID first disrupted our lives, and both school and spring sports were canceled, but I was too busy writing about My Ugly COVID Confession, Corona Easter, and My Quarantined Life: Part I, II, III, IV, V, and VI. [Yes, it really did require a 6-part series. #IYKYK] Fast-forward two years and, once again, it’s a sport-less spring … Sort of.
Usually at this time of year, you can find me on the sidelines of a lacrosse field with some combination of my sideline sisters. But not this year, and it’s not entirely all bad. Actually, it’s kind of a blessing right now — at least for me and my mental health.
My boys are 18-1/2 and 15-1/2. A college freshman and high school sophomore, respectively. Starting around age 3, they’ve each played a bevy of team sports — soccer, basketball, flag football, tackle football, baseball, lacrosse … They even dabbled in track & field for a few years each (running in the Penn Relays, to boot!). But the three sports that really stuck were football, basketball, and lacrosse.
For my oldest, lacrosse has always been his true love. He was recruited to play in college and his now living out his dream. My youngest, on the other hand, prefers basketball and football, even though he still played lacrosse … Until this year. Last month, he decided to put down his lacrosse stick and focus on “bulking up” for football (which starts in late May, if you count spring football camp). He’s lean, so it’s not a bad idea, really.
With my oldest playing college lacrosse in Vermont (read: I watch him on TV more than I see him play in person) and my youngest “taking the season off” (as he describes it, having not made a permanent decision regarding his involvement with the sport), my identity as a sports mom feels tarnished. Who am I now? What am I going to do with all my time? And what am I going to complain about this season if not inconvenient game times, late practices, unpredictable spring weather (I recall one lacrosse season watching every game under either an umbrella or a thick blanket), the stench of sweaty equipment, and all those damn turf pellets that get tracked inside the house? [If you know me, you know I’ll find something to bitch about soon enough.]
While it’s true I don’t miss the turf pellets or stinky gear, I do miss watching my kids play. And I miss the camaraderie of my sideline sisters — that tight knit group of other moms who cheered just as loud for my kids as they did their own, who shared their umbrella or blanket when I came unprepared, and who didn’t think it was weird that I kept an extra mouth guard and athletic cup in my bag (because after all, boys often forget stuff!).
But as much as I miss those ladies, having a spring without sports or sideline sisters right now is kind of a blessing. It’s hard to explain without sounding vain or going into all the details, but I’m too overwhelmed and self-conscious to be around other people right now. Even friends. A series of health issues has caused extreme weight gain, which has triggered my PTSD and spiked my anxiety. Physically and mentally, I’m not in a good place right now. I’m sure it sounds selfish, to be happy that my son isn’t playing a sport this season so I don’t have to be out in public, explaining myself or feeling bad about myself, but it’s my truth — as hard as it is to admit.
I know I will eventually beat this, as I’ve done before. But for now, not having a 7-day-a-week sports season to contend with takes a load off my shoulders and brain. Hopefully, by football season, I’ll be back to my old self, complaining about smelly pads and unpredictable fall weather as I cheer for my kid from under a blanket with the other sports moms. I can’t wait!
-LJDT
