Lenten Lesson: Just Be Nice

WARNING: Profanity-filled post below.

With Easter behind us, another Lenten season has come to a close. Forty-three days of sacrifice and repentance in the books — woot, woot! To my fellow Catholics out there, you may now start drinking, smoking, cursing, eating sweets, playing video games and binge watching Netflix again … Or did your ceremonial offerings stick this year? I’d like to say that mine did and that I am a better Catholic than I was six and a half weeks ago, but lying is a sin.

Back in February, I declared that I was giving up Lent for Lent. Well, sort of … My plan was to give something out rather than give something up, meaning, I’d engage in at least one act of kindness, love or compassion each day. Because I forced my kids to give up video games rather than vegetables and homework as they had planned, they saw my Lenten practice as a copout and called me on it. Then it hit me: I was giving something up — being an asshole. You see, I’m not always the nicest person. I am sarcastic, demanding, impatient and often a little standoffish.

Basically, I’m a bitch. But not a total bitch. More of a halfway bitch or a sometimes bitch because I can also be funny, generous, supportive and loyal. It really just depends …

So my plan to give up being an impatient jerk during Lent was an attempt to better myself and make the world a little nicer at the same time. Though I missed a few days here and there, thanks to a snow storm and a couple of bad days, I was mostly successful in my endeavor. I even doubled up on some days to make up for days when I just wasn’t feeling it. To keep myself honest and accountable, I chronicled my actions in a running list that looked like this:

1. Refrained from giving the finger to the guy who cut me off on my way to a lunch date with my husband
2. Left a $25 tip for the server on a $50 bill
3. Sent two large care packages to my niece in college
4. Complimented an elderly lady on her snazzy gold-and-glitter-painted cane
5. Made protein snacks for my #gymfamily #wodsquad
6. Didn’t lose my shit when I discovered a moldy, three-week-old uneaten sandwich in my younger son’s backpack OR when he spilled ketchup all over the back of my car
7. Washed and folded my teenager’s laundry — twice
8. Sent a postcard to an old friend telling her she’s awesome and that I miss her
9. Bought lunch for a homeless man in Philadelphia
10. Lit candles and said prayers for a few family members and friends, as well as the sick daughter of a childhood classmate
11. Held the door open for a woman with three little (and very slow) kids
12. Helped an elderly lady out of her car
13. Packed the boys’ school lunches every day, even though it’s usually their responsibility
14. Assisted an elderly man loading groceries into the trunk of his car
15. Didn’t beep at a car going super slow on a one-lane road when I was in a hurry, as per my usual M.O.
16. Donated clothes, shoes and purses to charity instead of consigning them for cash
17. Bought coffee for the guy behind me in line at Wawa
18. Donated kitchen appliances and small furniture to the local Habitat for Humanity resale store
19. Helped a fellow Habitat for Humanity donator unload his car
20. Added an hour to the parking meters of six cars in town
21. Bought new yoga mats for my gym
22. Baked homemade cookies for the postal carrier
23. Placed inspirational notes on the windshields of cars in various parking lots (*I did this a bunch of times — at the high school, grocery store, shopping center, etc.)
24. Helped an older gentleman up the bleachers at a school basketball game
25. Texted motivational messages to my girlfriends
26. Texted uplifting memes to other girlfriends
27. Made (painfully long) small talk with the cashier while she very slowly scanned $300 worth of groceries
28. Texted silly puns to my kids during the school day
29. Paid for the person behind me at Wawa buying a sandwich
30. Threw away someone’s trash without calling them out for littering
31. Hosted a group of boys to play in the snow, then baked fresh cookies and made homemade hot cocoa instead of writing
32. Held my tongue when someone jumped in front of me in line at the Whole Foods fish counter
33. Posted compliments on social media instead of just hitting “like”
34. Wiped down the bathroom sink at Wegmans so the next person didn’t lean into a wet ledge
35. Complimented a stranger on her leggings
36. Gave coupons to a customer at Bed Bath & Beyond (How can you not have BBB coupons? They mail one every other week and they never expire!)
37. Donated beans and rice to the local food bank
38. Returned the shopping cart of the person next to me in the supermarket parking lot
39. Refrained from making a snarky comment to the person who did not hold the door open for me, allowing it to close in my face
40. Collected the mail for a struggling senior citizen
41. Bought a huge cookie pie for each of my boys to share at school on Pie Day (3/14)
42. Reached the shampoo on a high shelf for a shorter woman at Target
43. Lifted a case of water for another person at Target
44. Completed a positive online review for the phlebotomist who drew my blood
45. Made lunch for my gym trainer
46. Made more protein snacks for my #gymfamily and trainer
47. Offered my just-purchased Whole Foods salad to a homeless veteran begging on the street
48. Purchased a full tank of gas for a guy asking for a few dollars to fill his tank just enough to get home
49. Let all three cars go ahead of me at a 4-stop intersection, even though I arrived first and had the right of way
50. Baked muffins for the older teenager who drove my son to lacrosse practice so I could get to the gym on-time
51. Surprised my boys with Chick-fil-A for lunch (this is a big deal because we don’t do fast food)
52. Continued to cook for my family despite suffering second-degree burns on my dominant hand
53. Refrained from yelling back at a condescending car salesman
54. Allowed my kids to eat ice cream for breakfast during Spring Break
55. Only nagged the boys once a week about cleaning up

As you can see, the list is long and varied. Some actions required money, some time and others restraint. Trust me when I tell you, keeping my mouth closed (and my finger down) was often more difficult than reaching for my wallet. Hopefully, those twelve extra good deeds counterbalance at least a handful of snarky comments, F-bombs and missed masses during the holy season. Good thing I didn’t give up cursing again for Lent — that would have been a f*cking disaster!

In addition to being a time of immolation and penance, Lent is a time of reflection and I can honestly say that I learned a few things about myself during these past forty-three days. Notably,

1. I spend a lot of time in grocery stores.
2. I’m not a nice person when I’m hungry, rushed or overwhelmed.
3. The smaller acts of kindness brought me more joy than the big ones.

The actions that required my time or compassion rather than my money felt more fulfilling and meaningful to me. Helping a senior citizen, complimenting a stranger, baking muffins and giving in to my kids’ desires once in a while — those things made me feel good and brought me inner peace. Buying a tank of gas or a meal for someone, on the other hand, didn’t. Sadly, it made me feel used and cynical instead.

Bottom line: The little things matter most. Just be kind. It doesn’t cost anything to be nice and it actually feels pretty good. Some days for me it can feel a little forced, but you know what they say: Fake it until you make it. After six weeks, I’m still faking it some of the time, but I’m working on it. Just don’t expect me to be all peace, love and light without a little go f*ck yourself in there, too. After all, it’s part of my charm.

– LJDT

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