Okay, let me start by saying two things: (1) I realize that my “I”m back, bitches!” declaration three weeks ago may have been a bit premature. So much for getting back into a routine of posting regularly — Unless you consider once a month regular. #sorrynotsorry And (2) I had no intention of starting back with yet another pandemic-related post, but here we are. Deal with it, or don’t. You do you, boo.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I am forging ahead with my post because after nine months of dealing with our Coronavirus world, I am still struggling with many of the minor inconveniences that this pandemic has brought into my life. I know I should only be focusing on the positives — more time with my husband and kids, being able to work from home, having our essential needs met daily, and not being ill — but I’m a skilled complainer and they say that you should share your gifts with the world, so this is my gift to you … You’re welcome.
The Sucky Side
Apart from the biggies, like death and illness, financial strains and struggles, interrupted holidays, missed milestones, not being able to see family and friends, etc. (all of which go without saying — duh!), here are my top 6, much-more-minor grievances because, let’s be real, these things suck:
- Fogged eyeglasses when wearing a mask — Seriously? Has no one figured out a device to fix this yet? I’m already blind without my glasses, now I’m blind with them. How have surgeons who wear glasses been managing all these years??
- Sneezing inside the mask — Two words: Unavoidable and gross. Enough said.
- Constant cottonmouth under the mask — Between being more of a mouth-breather than a nose-breather and not being able to constantly sip on water every minute of the day while wearing a mask in public, my mouth is perpetually dry. Looks like I’ll be stashing sucking candies in all my pockets and bags, just like my mom. Anyone have ideas for sugar-free, organic, autoimmune-friendly hard candies?
- Holding in pee while in public — Despite my insane handwashing and hand-sanitizing practices, I’m still avoiding public bathrooms whenever possible. This is a massive challenge for someone like me, with a small bladder and a host of health issues. I guess not being able to drink water freely anymore is actually a blessing in disguise.
- No facial ID on iPhone when wearing a mask — Yea, I get it. My face is half-covered so it makes sense that my face is unrecognizable to Apple. But it still sucks to have to type in that passcode every time. #thirdworldproblemsattheirbest
- Spilled hand sanitizer in purse — Embarrassingly, this has happened more than once. At least I know everything inside is clean now. #silverlinings
The Upside
Despite my bitch list, I can admit that there are a few benefits to my admittedly privileged pandemic-life annoyances. I’ve read that to counterbalance a negative thought, you should replace it with three positive ones. Well, I’m not doing that, but I will give you my top 6 so it’s equal:
- I don’t need to wear makeup. Lash extension on and I’m good to go!
- I don’t have to check for errant chin hairs, lip hairs, or nose boogers.
- I can cuss and swear under my mask without people hearing me — most of the time.
- I’m protected from other people’s bad breath.
- The six-foot-rule gives me an excuse to reprimand people who are invading my personal space (something that has always irked me, even pre-COVID).
- I get through the grocery store much quicker now that I’m avoiding public bathrooms and need to race home before I pee my pants.
I’m sure some of you can relate to these lists. In no way am I trying to trivialize the seriousness of this crisis or undermine the real problems it has inflicted upon so many people around the world. I’m just trying to lighten the mood a bit and override the toxic positivity message that most of social media is pushing. This shit is serious and it sucks and it won’t go away until everyone follows the rules, despite the annoyance and irritation of staying home and wearing a mask. Just suck it up and do your part … and try to find the upside everyone now and then.
-LJDT
