Last week, I traveled (by plane) to Florida for my best friend’s son’s bar mitzvah — and hers and her husband’s, too, because neither of them had made their own as 13-year-olds and what better time to do it then when their own first-born son was making his. Pretty amazing, right? Mazel Tov!
But I digress …
I traveled from Philadelphia to West Palm Beach with my own 13-year-old and, for the most part, it was a pretty uneventful travel experience. But uneventful is not synonymous with pleasant. Don’t get me wrong: It wasn’t terrible or catastrophic in any way. No “Snakes on a Plane” situations or Sully-style emergency landings, thank goodness. It’s just that I don’t really like flying. Or traveling in general. As an introverted, anxious, crowd-avoider, the entire experience stresses me out. Couple that with the fact that managing my autoimmune disease requires lots of pre-planning in order to reduce flare-ups, and going anywhere away from home often feels like a huge hassle. Especially for a quick weekend jaunt like this past one.
I know, I know … I sound like a thankless bitch, whining about the privilege of taking a vacation when so many others cannot. And for that reason, I do my best to rise above the discomfort and remain grateful for the opportunity. Plus, I love my bestie and couldn’t imagine missing this very important day in her life.
So how did I push through it this time? I counted my blessings, packed extra supplies and passed the time making a few keen observations. Here’s what struck me the most:
- Apparently, many airport/TSA employees think it’s more natural for a 13-year-old, dark-skinned boy who looks like he’s only 10 to be traveling alone than with a middle-aged white woman who is standing beside him. Umm, really??
- I must be related to the Murphy’s Law namesake because I always seem to pick the slowest-moving security line and my departure gate is most often the very last one in the terminal. Silver linings: Extra time to meditate in line and 10,000 steps achieved before 10AM!
- When traveling with food (thanks, allergies!), expect to have your carry-on opened and possibly be pulled aside for a pat-down as well. Pro tip: Skip the ice packs; They melt and become “suspicious.”
- People stare (and 13-year-old boys get embarrassed) when you squat, lunge and do arm dips to pass the time while waiting to board. Luckily, I don’t care.
- Having a teenager who loses phone privileges the night before a long trip does not make for a happy traveler. Can you say “Summer Reading”?
- Seat-spreaders are the worst! I get it; The seats are narrow. But unless you are overweight and spreading out is out of your control, don’t be a jerk. Close your legs and keep your arms on your lap.
- There’s always at least one snorer, crying baby and loud, fidgety toddler on-board (more if you’re going to Disney). I was surrounded by all three this go-round, but thanks to a lack of sleep the night before and my AirPods, I slept through it all — mostly.
- Other people’s feet are gross, even if they are manicured and odor-free. Keep your socks and shoes on.
- A light-weight sweater is essential (planes are cold), compression socks are genius (don’t knock it ’til you try it) and aisle seats are gold (do I really need to explain this one?).
- Planes are basically flying petri dishes. I made the unfortunate mistake of reading an article a few weeks before traveling that identified the top five dirtiest places on an airplane. Short answer: Everywhere!
- It’s 2019 and people still clap when the plan lands — Why? No one claps for a bus driver, and a plane is basically a flying bus, right? But I guess it is a nice gesture. [Side note: I think I’ll start requiring my carpool passengers to applaud/cheer when I get them to practice safely. What do you think?]
- I also don’t understand why anyone still stands up and tries to get off the plane immediately upon landing. Dude, you’re at the back of the plane with 120 people ahead of you. You are not going anywhere for awhile; Sit down and chill.
So if you’re like me and don’t enjoy the travel part of vacation, suck it up and remember how lucky you are to be going somewhere. Then distract yourself by squatting, judging others and sanitizing the hell out of everything you touch. Travel safely, friends!
-LJDT
